
Blogging break while I join the cataract club. Warning, image may not be accurate representation of cataract operation.

Blogging break while I join the cataract club. Warning, image may not be accurate representation of cataract operation.
What are some of the things that might happen to you if you go in a lift?
See footnote 1
Get stuck all by yourself
Get stuck in an overcrowded lift ( probably the reason why it got stuck )
Get stuck with a homicidal maniac
All of the above, but between floors
If you are in a glass lift at least someone will notice it has broken down. Unless everyone in the building has already left.
See Footnote 2
What might happen next…
You press the alarm button but it does not work.
The alarm button works, but the company who owns the building are saving money by ending the contract with the lift engineers.
The fire brigade have been called to a major fire and cannot come to your rescue for hours.
See Footnote 3
If you are really unlucky the major fire is in the building you are trapped in

Worse lift disasters
The lift cable snaps and you plunge to the basement, danger of death depends on how many floors there are.
The lift doors open, but when you step in the lift it is not there and you plunge down the lift shaft.
Less likely events
The lift rockets upwards and straight out of the top of the building. The good news, it will come down again unless…
The lift has been the subject of secret space research and changed into a rocket. You will not come down.
Least likely dramatic events
A smooth ride upwards that takes longer than you expect. When the doors open you step out into the future, because someone in the future has turned the lift into a time machine. At least you will get a great welcome and be looked after as they are so excited their experiment has worked.
You step out of the lift into the past. As your twenty storey office block / luxury apartment block has not been built yet you are left in mid air.
These are some of the reasons why I avoid lifts.
Unverified Events
You step out of the lift and find yourself in heaven, having had a massive heart attack brought on by the stress of going in a lift. There you meet someone else who has also just died of a heart attack due to the strain of walking up twenty flights of stairs because he was scared of lifts.
Footnotes
Do you prefer stairs or lifts?
Have you had any traumatic lift experiences?

Today’s stroll goes west to find a new artwork.

Choose rocket, cliff lift or steps (lots of them).

The cliff lift is now working since last time we were here.



Danger seems to lurk wherever we go…

Is this the most unsafe building you have ever seen?


Walk past to see it from all angles…



I haven’t been able to find out much more. It is called Lean Into the Wind and she is indeed leaning into our prevailing South Westerly. It apparently cost £54,000, though that amount had increased to a rumoured £60,000 among local dog walkers. I did get to chat to quite a few people who had all come to see it for the first time. Me and a dog walker liked the head… Everyone else thought it a waste of the council’s money, though it appears to have been paid for by the British tax payer. We all wondered exactly what it was about with remarks like ‘she’s got cherries on her ears’ and ‘she’s got a lizard on her head’. There are symbols on top of the pillars, which I couldn’t see properly with my cataracts... As for who she is, presumably she can be who you like.

So let’s go back down by lift or you can run down the zig zag which is fun.

You might hazard a guess what is going on down at the promenade.





Who do you think she is?
Do you like the art work?
‘That’s all done then, they won’t be able to use their devices till the Easter holidays.’
‘Brilliant’ Ellie pictured them all round the table after dinner playing games, then watching a good quality drama together…’I’ll get on with dinner then. Have they noticed yet… where are the kids?’
‘Rory mumbled something about someone’s house, I told him not to be late for dinner, school tomorrow. Roxanne’s next door.’
‘Good, Steve and Mandy have signed up for the scheme so the girls are probably commiserating.’
David was quite a lot older than Ellie, which didn’t seem an issue when they were all babies and toddlers, but nowadays she wondered if he had lost the plot. His excellent career had meant he now had underlings to deal with technical matters and social media. It was indeed ironic that his company were very big in computer technology. David actually knew how the internet worked, but had no interest in playing with it, preferring the golf course. He had no idea what his children did with their phones and devices or why his wife needed an office with a desk top computer when she did not work. When his company won the contract for the new scheme he didn’t bother mentioning it at home.
‘Mum, I’m hungry.’
‘Another hour till dinner’s ready, go and play.’
Ellie looked at the expression on the face of her youngest, he was not hungry, just bored, usually he needed to be dragged from his computer game to the dinner table.
‘When is Dad going to switch the internet back on?’
‘At Easter, not Dad, it’s controlled by the government’s new scheme.’
Ellie checked the roast, ten minutes to spare, she picked up her phone and checked her WhatsApp messages, but there was no link. She looked at Messenger, Molly had been waiting for Ellie to take a turn at Words With Friends, but when she pressed PLAY nothing happened.
‘David, my phone isn’t working.’
‘Of course not Darling, that’s the whole point. We have to set a good example to the kids.’
‘But I’ve got 4G.’
‘Not in this house, or in our road, the majority of homes signed up so the whole road is shielded.’
‘But I’ll still be able to work from my computer?’
David sighed, he wondered if Ellie understood how anything worked.
‘No, but you don’t need to use it.’
‘What about my blogging.’
‘This is about protecting all the children’s minds, no one is worried about your little hobbies.’
Before Ellie could retort, the oven timer went.
‘So we are going to enjoy more family time. Your mother doesn’t miss her phone, what did she actually need it for? ‘
‘Keeping in touch with my friends?’
‘You can pop round for coffee, like my mother used to do. Actually we should all be more sociable, invite friends round for dinner.’
‘Like your boring golf friends Dad.’
‘Your mother has plenty of interesting friends, they must have kids you would get on with, or know already.’
‘How do you know Mum has interesting friends, I bet they are all boring.’
‘Not at all, isn’t she always telling us about their fascinating lives and their travels? And what about that Molly who is always beating your mother at word games and Albert, she’s always playing with him.’
The children all sniggered. ‘Luckily for you Dad she ‘s not in love with him because he’s a robot, Al, Albot.’
Ellie laughed with them, but did not mention that she had no idea who Molly was in real life, or even if she was real. She had popped up as ‘waiting to play’. Of course Ellie had real friends to play with on her phone. She hadn’t seen them for years, they had popped up on Facebook, old school companions with little in common except school history and liking Wordblitz. But it was fun.
She had not thought David listened to her prattling on, filling in conversation gaps when they were out shopping or driving somewhere. The interesting lives, now she thought about it, were all blogging friends. She felt she knew them well, even those who were only a ChatGPT cartoon or represented by a cat. They had all been through a lot together, world wide pandemics, parents or children or their own health problems. And most of them had a great sense of humour, or at least they were funnier than David.
The full impact of the new scheme was beginning to sink in. She could not slip up to her office or browse on her iPad to get away from Sycamore Avenue and whose house would she pop round to for coffee? Mummy friends had gone back to work, David was too boring for them to have regular cosy dinners out with other couples. In fact her life as portrayed on her blog was much more interesting. Fortunately David and the children never took an interest in her blog and certainly never read it. They had no idea she wrote about them in less than flattering terms. Other parents loved her blogs, glad they were not the only ones with dreadful children or relieved how normal their own were. She could hardly invite blogging friends round, luckily nobody knew where she lived, at least she did not think they could know.
Now they would be wondering if she was still alive, she had not thought to share a brief post saying she was taking a blogging break, implying exciting real life adventures.

Walk or scoot or cycle?








While you have been lost in the woods, aliens have landed.

Though nobody seems too concerned.




At last an arrow


Did you have any idea where you were?

Did you find your way home?
New term at writers’ group and we were trying to do some different challenges, so someone suggested rewriting well known poems…


With apologies to John Masefield…
Sea Fever
I must go down to the seas again, the Southbourne beach to see,
And all I ask is a beach hut and a kettle to make tea,
And the wave’s kick and the wind’s blast and my white body’s shaking,
As I fall into the sea’s face under a green wave breaking.
I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the ripping tide,
Is a wild call and a warning from the RNLI.
And all I ask is a windy day with the kite surfers flying,
And the flung boards and the blown ropes and herring gulls crying.
I must go down to the seas again, to the cliff side beach hut life,
To the promenade and the children’s way where the sand castles are rife,
And all I ask is some knitting yarn and ideas for Tidalscribe,
And warm sun and a neat chair while I write a diatribe.

My beach hut is called Pens and Needles as I write and knit there and also on a clear day you can see ‘The Needles’ on the Isle of Wight.

John Edward Masefield – (1 June 1878 – 12 May 1967) was an English poet and writer. He was Poet Laureate from 1930 until his death in 1967. Among his best known works are the children’s novels The Midnight Folk and The Box of Delights, and the poems “The Everlasting Mercy” and “Sea-Fever“.

Comedians and others have always enjoyed creating their own versions of very well known poems and songs. Do you like to borrow from poets or do you prefer to write your own poetry?

For those of you have been wondering since her last blog post, yes Samba is still missing, but presumably quite happy!

Someone thought they had found her in their kitchen, but it turned out to just be a gruffalo.

Tiny Tidalscribe – New in chatgpt – just ask to regain your younger self, but be careful to specify how far back you want to go.

Worried about AI and Chatbots taking over the world? Just ask if they are human…
How has your week been?

Time for a wander to look for useful things.


Do you get the feeling someone is staring at you?

Just keep walking and ignore them.

Did you see someone out of the corner of your eye?


Perhaps you should go and look for something to eat.





Don’t forget to pay for everything you bought.



What did you buy today?
We are celebrating the return of the Bayeux Tapestry with Norman Day. If you recall from a previous blog a French guardian of the tapestry was taken completely by surprise and horrified when he heard President Macron casually come out with the news that the tapestry was going to be sent to England – back to England as it was made here. A grand gesture of friendship.

A recent visit to France by the King and Queen.
There were great fears the whole thing would fall to pieces, hence the monumental planning that went into the mission. A new home was created for it at the British Museum. The French requested it be displayed flat lest the characters we have come to know so well succumb to gravity and fall off the pictures. Apparently it had been hanging up and went round a corner, not ideal.
It arrived safely and now is finally ready to be displayed to the public. King Charles, President Macron and our latest Prime Minister had a private viewing last night. It tells not just the story of the Battle of Hastings, but the stories leading up to the invasion.

Lincoln Castle, hundreds of local homes flattened to create wonderful views and a great castle and a display of Norman power.
Norman Day on BBC Radio is featuring lots of programmes perhaps with the theme ‘What Did The Normans Ever Do For Us?’ A lot, but that’s for another blog. Salient points, they were not French, they were Vikings. They inherited plenty of culture from the Anglo Saxon including… here we come to the exciting bit, this great work was created by Women! What can be more civilised and peaceful than a sewing circle and this must have been a Sewing Circle writ large. As men continued fighting over the past millennium this remarkable piece of history survived.

Lincoln Cathedral shares the historic quarter of Lincoln with the nearby castle. Castles and Cathedrals are a vivid reminder of the Normans changing our landscape.

And what has been going on in the rest of the world? A lot, but let us zoom out and leave our troubled planet for a moment. I like to liven up housework and cooking listening to radio programmes with intelligent presenters talking to very intelligent guests about their lives and important things other than politics. I always forget names, probably just as well in case I misquote, but the gist of one conversation was this… The guest had been a cosmologist, but one day she realised that the universe was actually very boring, just piles of rocks floating around, so she decided to study our planet instead, which is far more interesting. This led me to wonder if the creation of the whole multiverse had gone drastically wrong, with Earth accidentally evolving against the odds?
Have you ever seen the Bayeux Tapestry or even better, been part of a sewing circle that created a wall hanging?
Would you rather study the whole universe or potter in your garden?

You may need a passport for this walk.


Time to descend





Mobile Bar




Are we stopping here? Not today, but it is one of the best Wetherspoons in the country. Have you guessed where you are yet?



Are we going in here?

YES







Anyone got one of these in their garden?

Carry on walking, I’ve got to leave you now, visitors coming, hope you don’t get lost.
Do you like walks with a destination, such as lunch?