Christmas Do

This will be the first Christmas Do for Caring Crafters since 2019 so let’s choose something everyone will enjoy. Did you all get my email?

I can’t do Wednesdays I’m playing every Wednesday evening.

So that won’t be a problem if we go for the afternoon tea.

We haven’t settled on that have we?

Out of those that replied to my email three quarters were for the afternoon.

A Christmas Do surely means turkey and crackers, why can’t we go back to The George?

Afternoon tea at The Refectory promises to be lovely and we have to think of Andrew.

…and Ian can’t drive at night with his eyes.

I don’t know if I can get the afternoon off, it’s our busiest time.

And I would have to get someone to pick the children up from school.

Suits me as long as it’s not a Thursday… or a Tuesday and Mondays I have to take Mother for her infusions.

I’m sure Andrew won’t mind if we go to the George, where is he anyway?

Therapist, he sent apologies, he’s doing very well.

Have they got a ramp at The Refectory?

Yes they have nice new toilets and super disabled since we used to meet there. So let’s have a show of hands… raise your hand if you would like to go to the Refectory for afternoon tea…. So that’s twelve For, five Against. Now, I’ll pass round the brochure with the seven different party selections.

£17.99, bloody hell, I know prices have gone up but…

The other selections are cheaper.

Yes, but they haven’t got samosas.

C selection has sausage rolls, will that do you Roger?

We might be able to wangle a discount if enough of us are going.

D £13.99 would suit you Di, looks like it’s vegetarian.

With tuna mayonnaise sandwiches!

So how about New for 22, Vegan Value… ‘cucumber curls with our delicious homemade yeast extract.’

That just means marmite sandwiches, if I’m going to have afternoon tea I want a decent ham doorstep.

‘You can’t expect Tim to come after a morning’s dog walking and survive on a humous finger sandwich.  How many clients have you got now Tim?

More now the winter weather is here, I have to do two rounds in the morning, large and unruly for two hours by the river, then handbag dogs round the park. Anyway, I think we should splash out on the dearest.

Not all of us have a big appetite, I don’t want to pay eighteen pounds for a cup of tea and cheese roll.

Do we have to book at all, can’t we just turn up and choose what we want, put a few tables together and hope they don’t notice?

Oh no, we want the Xmas tablecloths and crackers.

And a quiz.

Hang on, have you looked at the bottom line… groups of more than eight must book Christmas Afternoon Tea at The Refectory by 5th December.


Featuring unnewsworthy items that could be happening near you, but probably aren’t.

When banana loving visitors could not come, the obvious thing to do was put them on the local recycling Facebook page. They were snapped up immediately.

Wanted for criminal damage. A flurry of terror and excitement as rogue dog fox digs up lawns. Neighbours have been patching up lawns and fences in a bid to save their grass. Night cameras have been installed to prove his guilt.

…while indoors, home owners fear The Elf has returned.

A supermarket closed its vegetable section for several hours yesterday after a staff member spotted a worrying headline as he read the newspaper during his break. As workers hurriedly cleared shelves he tried to explain that the headline actually said ‘Tornadoes Leave Two Dead’ not ‘Tomatoes Leave Two Dead.’ The manger later explained that once a food contamination alert has been raised the action must be completed and suspect foods cannot be sold until tests have given the all clear.