Serene Sunday – Easter Saunter
Month: March 2024
Tuesday Tiny Tale – Gardeners’ World
And now we visit another viewer’s garden, someone who has created an interesting garden around his self built home on a brownfield site.
‘This is a small, unusually shaped piece of land surrounded by a main line railway, a motorway and a huge Amazon Warehouse. The house itself is certainly unique. Did the house inspire the garden or the garden dictate the house design?’
‘I created the garden first while we lived in the tiny caravan that is now my potting shed.’
‘How long have you been here?’
‘Two years.’
‘That is amazing, the luxuriant feel, the fact we are unaware of the outside world, shielded by mature trees and interesting boulders and you did all this by yourself?’
‘Yes, never done any gardening before, just went on instinct, buying plants and searching scrap yards to create unusual features. It’s been so good for my mental health, creating a garden that would bring joy.’
Two Weeks Earlier
Marcia peered out from the grim unfinished interior of Harry’s unfinished self build house, wondering how she ever got involved with him. The continuous rain had made his so called garden a quagmire; the new plants had given up the struggle to survive amidst the rubble. At least she had insisted on keeping her cosy flat. Marcia had no intention of staying in the squalid caravan he called a park home. As a high speed train raced by she missed half of what Harry was telling her.
‘Camera crew in two weeks’ time, what are you on about?’
‘Don’t you remember Marcy, I told you I had applied to feature on Gardeners’ World?’
‘But you haven’t got a garden, what on earth possessed you…?’
‘I couldn’t get on Grand Designs so I thought I’d show him, Kevin Grand McCloud. Just needs a bit of tidying up, didn’t know all the plants were going to die, a bit of topsoil should do the trick.’
‘Just cancel it Harry and concentrate on finishing the bloody house. I’m going back to my flat right now.’
‘I’m not going to cancel, they do those Flower Show gardens in a couple of weeks. Rick’s mate does Chelsea, or at least he drives the huge trucks that deliver trees. Don’t you worry your pretty head Marcy, I’ve got a plan. A bit of disruption, but we haven’t got any neighbours to annoy.’
Luckily for Harry there were major works going on at the motorway junction and nobody took any notice of the succession of trucks, cranes and pantechnicons making there way to the patch of wasteland that motorists and train passengers thought was part of the creation of a new slip road.
Harry got some of the blokes from work over to help and Rick got some blokes from goodness knows where to help with deliveries. The endless rain at least meant new trees and plants did not need watering in.
Two Days Earlier
‘There we are Marcia, all we need now is an adorable dog to complete the cosy scene.’
‘We haven’t got a dog.’
‘That’s okay, Rick knows where to get one.’
Two Days Later
Police are investigating a series of reports of audacious burglaries from country estates, professional gardeners and quarries. It is not known if they are connected. The thieves took mature trees, plants, sculptures and a Great Dane. One theory is that professional gardeners preparing for the garden show season have been targeted.
Fun Friday – Spring into Spring
Scientists now believe that carrots DO help you see in the dark, probably because carrots themselves can actually see in the dark when they are underground.
Do you worry about what you read in the newspaper?
Do you worry who is watching you when you are out shopping?
So you should, it is all true, so why not just turn to the puzzle pages…
…and get even more fraught,
or you could relax by counting plastic.
Bored with shopping, your favourite shops closing down? Go and play the piano instead.
And on a lighter note, not a piano note, wildlife experts are worried about the demise of the common rat, which may not be as common as previously thought. Householders and gardeners can help by providing the environment that rats need and also putting out food for them.
Tuesday Tiny Tale – Plastic
It slipped out of my hands and onto the tiled floor, silver splinters slithered in all directions. I was devastated, in its frozen state it had cracked, my favourite. I closed the freezer door, my plastic box collection was dwindling rapidly.
I posted a picture with a sad emoji on our Facebook page Post Plastic. Comments were mixed.
‘First World problems, I wish I had any left overs to put in the freezer.’
‘Why don’t you try those waxed cloth wraps, they are a life saver.’
‘But not much good for a litre of homemade soup’ I retorted.
‘Just make what you need.’
‘I am trying to save gas by batch cooking.’
Later I was battling to get the children ready for the shopping expedition.
‘Kids, have you all got your containers?’
They grumbled all the way up the road, especially when they saw the long queues outside ‘Weigh and Save’ and ‘Tap and Top Up’.
‘Muum, why can’t we have shower gel?’
‘Nothing wrong with a bar of soap, we haven’t got enough containers for non essentials.’
There was a cry of horror from one of the vats, it looked like a battle scene, someone had dropped their glass jug of tomato sauce, a luxury most of us were doing without. My neighbour joined us in the queue.
‘How are you getting on with the milkman?’
‘We’re 759th on the waiting list.’
‘I hate to say it, but my mother was right, I should have registered with a milkman months ago, at the time he seemed too expensive. Now even the loyal customers are being rationed, so Mum can’t get a spare bottle for us.’
The total ban on plastic had repercussions most of us had not imagined. There was a chronic shortage of glass bottles and jars as they were requisitioned and a shortage of milk as cows had to be milked by hand, or so we were told. I had no idea how milking parlours worked or why they needed plastic.
‘What are you getting Robby for his birthday?’
‘Edible Lego and tin soldiers.’
‘It’s a nightmare at the hospital, I dropped a glass syringe and it shattered. I was not popular. Such a shortage they are talking about reusing them.’
‘Tell me about it. I went to blood donors, the only stuff I can afford to give away and the nurse dropped the bottle, blood and broken glass everywhere and my precious fluids wasted. ‘
‘Are you going to wickerwork this evening?’
‘You bet, I’ve got to get that shopping basket finished before my last carrier bag disintegrates.’
‘Oh, here’s Carrie, did you hear about her poor mother?’
‘Carrie, so sorry to hear about your Mum, was it a shock?’
‘It was rather, but a blessing in a way, I’ll inherit her Tupperware collection.’
Strange Sunday – Inside Out
SOME ARE JUST WRITERS
This blackbird does not like being on the outside and has been tapping on the door, tapping on our windows and kamikaze diving windows. He either identifies as human or has been watching too many science fiction films.
This cow also has an identity crisis; unsure whether she is an Appaloosa or a human having a pyjama day. The dairy farmer is worried she may be offended if he tries to milk her.
Scientists have released pictures of what it is actually like living in the fifth dimension...
…and have warned members of the public not to try this at home.
Tuesday Tall Tale – Slow Radio
And finally in breakfast news a surprising hit. Slow Radio slots have become popular as calming moments of bird song or rowing boats. The latest is a continuous live broadcast 24/7 from a quiet little road somewhere. The location remains secret to protect the inhabitants, human and otherwise. Listeners have been tuning in to hear everyday sounds of hum drum life, dogs barking, people chatting. In the dark watches of the night insomniacs and night workers say there is still plenty to hear, the haunting cry of foxes and the whisper of the milkman’s float.
As residents fetch their bins in on Monday morning there is plenty to hear so let’s drop in.
I found your food bin in the middle of the road.
Oh thanks, did you hear the wind last night?
Yes, my lid blew open, cardboard and paper all over next door’s lawn.
There’s a nurse going in over the road, she was there yesterday.
Is it him or her?
Goodness knows, haven’t seen either of them for ages.
You never know what’s going on with that high hedge.
Do you mind taking a parcel for next door?
Sure, certainly won’t fit through the letterbox ha ha.
I’m not carrying your scooter Dryden, I’ve got the buggy to push, you wanted to ride it to school. BRANDON, stop at the corner. BRAANDON WAAIT. Dryden get on that scooter and catch up with your brother.
Yes of course, I’m not using it today, still not fixed then?
Not coming till Friday now and I‘ve got to get their PE things washed, thanks so much.
Those strange people are across the road again. I call them the creepy couple, coming this way since lockdown. At first I thought they were trying to steal Truffles when I saw them squatting down poking their hands through the fence.
Pity they didn’t steal him, we would have been saved all that barking.
He ran straight in my house the other day, nearly caught the cat.
Aren’t your daffodils looking good.
Yes, despite being battered by the wind and rain.
So what do you want at the greengrocers today?
Some of those grapes as long as they don’t have pips, one banana, not too big, not green, but not too ripe. Can you manage potatoes a well… oh look he’s on the roof again.
I don’t believe it, she must be away, surely she wouldn’t let him, what if the ladder blows down while he’s up there.
I reckon you’re right, he is rebuilding that chimney stack.
How old do you reckon he is?
Well he was retired when we moved here.
I can’t see him, hope he didn’t fall down the other side…
Truffles, Truffles, come here at once… sorry, sorry, are you okay?
I can’t talk now, I’m out in the street, no it isn’t a good time, how did you get my number anyway?
Truffles, come out of the lady’s nice garden. Sorry, sorry, yes I can see what he’s done I’ll just pop home and get a bag to clear it up, once I’ve caught him…
Oh here he is coming round to the front, he must have a ladder at the back as well. Was that Truffles running by?
The producer of Slow Street 24 is in the studio with us. Why do you think this has become so popular?
People need a break from their frantic lives, they just love to hear from somewhere where nothing is happening.
And do the residents mind being recorded, doesn’t that mean they are guarded in what they say?
Not at all, they don’t know they are being live streamed.
March Monday Musings
Yes it’s here again. Less stressful than the no plastics challenge, this is a way of counting how much plastic packaging is being produced, started by a chap who saved his plastic waste for a year, was shocked and created an art work with his collection.
This morning was recycling bin collection, we have alternate weeks for Big Bin and the Small Bin for rubbish we can’t recycle or compost. Into Big Bin goes glass, paper, tins, plastics… except soft plastic. But not to worry, our local Co Op stores have a bin for soft plastic, clean dry soft plastic. What an opportunity for dedicated obsessive recyclers, carefully washing out the film they peeled off the fish package… There is also a little brown bin for all food waste, but we are not counting that!
The count is for every piece of plastic, whether thrown away or carefully recycled. I did this last year so I was ready for action, but what category is the tiny tube that the flower food came in with the Mothering Sunday roses?
Has anyone else joined in this or done a similar thing or do you think it’s a load of rubbish?
If you don’t follow Royal stories you might view the following thoughts as rubbish, or perhaps like many of us you can’t resist a good medical tale.
Amidst the awful things going on in the world there has been fraught discussion about the health of the Princess of Wales, coming along at the same time as King Charles’ medical story. Catherine went in for planned abdominal surgery and had a long stay in hospital followed by resting at home. Like all good husbands the Prince of Wales took time off to look after her when she returned home. Nothing was disclosed about what her condition might be, except it is not cancer. Who would want their insides discussed endlessly in public, or their children hearing their mother’s medical history discussed?
On Woman’s Hour this morning the presenter said she was not interested in knowing. Really? Lots of us are, but don’t go blabbing on social media, just may have chatted in private with our friends or sisters who happen to be doctors! Just harmless wondering… Anyone who has been in and out of hospital in a day or two will naturally wonder what could possibly take such a long recovery. Perhaps we want to check if it’s a condition we haven’t heard of, but need to worry about. Women the same age or with daughters in that age group could be concerned…
Now the medical story has been turned into a ridiculous frenzy because of the digital altering conspiracy. The pleasant family photo taken by Prince William for Mothering Sunday may not be ‘true’, though today Catherine admitted that she did a bit of digital altering, like millions of people do with their cameras and smart phones.
WARNING, THIS MAY NOT BE A GENUINE PICTURE OF THE ROYAL FAMILY
How has your Monday been?
Silly Saturday – Seven Snippits
CATCH UP WITH NEWS ITEMS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
TEXERCISE
Doctors are warning of a health crisis amongst teddy bears. ‘Too many teddies sit around all day being cuddly and are not getting enough exercise.’ Bobby’s Gym is offering cheap membership for the Texercise programme and bears are welcome to bring their therapy humans along.
An artist has come up with an innovative scheme to help dogs who are unable to read street signs and numbers. He will paint a picture of your dog on your house so your faithful companion will know where he lives.
Scientists have identified the two greatest dangers in the home.
A local writer was thrilled with an unexpected win this week. She wishes to remain anonymous, but was quoted as saying she needs time to think about what she should do with her win.
A local council has come up with an idea to shorten the waiting times for magistrates court. Only the most serious offenders will be summoned to appear in court, while others will be put in the stocks.
And on a sunnier note there is a chance for beach lovers to snap up a bargain.
What important news is happening in your area?
Thursday Trail – Boats and Birthdays
WHERE ARE WE AND WHOSE BIRTHDAY IS IT?
WE ARE IN POOLE DORSET AND THIS WEEK IS THE 200TH BIRTHDAY OF THE RNLI
ROYAL NATIONAL LIFEBOAT INSTITUTION
Tuesday Tale -Kitchen Sink Drama Two
‘Phillip, come in here quick, your mother’s on the television.’
‘A police spokesman said if it were not for the quick thinking of grandmother Abigail Morgan the incident could have become a tragedy.’
‘I just happened to glance out of my kitchen window last night before I went to watch the news and I noticed an altercation across the road. When I saw a man take a pair of ballet shoes and then a huge hammer from the boot of his car, I knew I must call the police.’
‘Were you worried they would arrive too late?’
‘I wasn’t sure if they would arrive at all, so I rushed outside.’
‘I don’t believe it, I knew we shouldn’t have let Mother live there.’
‘Phillip, it wasn’t up to you, she’s quite capable of making her own decisions, though she must be regretting her choice now.’
‘She had better stay with us until we can get that place sold. I’ll ring Oakdene and see if that flat is still available.’
‘I’m sure she won’t want to stay with us… oh shoosh , they’re talking to some of her weird neighbours.’
‘There’s always trouble around here since they opened that half way house.’
‘We’ve never had anything like this before, it’s a lovely quiet road, lots of families.’
‘There is a lot of confusion as to what actually happened here last night and why the arrested man was bizarrely waving a pair of ballet shoes in one hand and a sledge hammer in the other. Neighbours have spoken of seeing the white car parked regularly in this road, but nobody could name him. Police reassured locals that this was an isolated incident with no danger to the public. A local dog walker did not see what happened, but knows the Supergran well.’
‘I always walk this way to the park and have a chat with Abigail. I can’t believe she tackled a mad axeman alone.’
‘Ah, a police inspector is about to address the crowd of concerned neighbours.’
‘Police response was prompt last night and officers bravely disarmed a man in his early forties.’
‘They only caught him because that old lady had already squirted pepper spray in his eyes.’
‘Yeah and it’s the first time in twenty years I’ve seen police down this road.’
‘The arrested man is in hospital under police guard with eye injuries believed to be caused by a domestic cleaning product. He is not known to police and does not appear to have any mental health issues. I would ask that members of the public do not speculate on social media about what happened.’
Abigail made yet another cup of tea. After a second formal police interview she was looking forward to a more relaxed chat with a young woman reporter and a cameraman. She had tried to keep her answers to the police confined to the stark facts, but would have loved to be outside with the other neighbours speculating further. Abigail had been awake most of the night, sitting up in bed with her iPad and phone, following and contributing to the local Facebook page and WhatsApp group.
‘I believe you refused medical treatment last night Mrs Morgan?’
‘Of course, nothing wrong with me. Though I feel I’m under arrest, a police woman stayed here all night, don’t know what they thought was going to happen.’
‘You don’t have any family nearby?’
‘Oh yes, my son and daughter-in-law on the other side of town. I moved here to be nearer them.’
‘They must have been concerned about what happened.’
‘I didn’t bother to tell them and everyone here has been very nice.’
‘Would it be too upsetting for you to tell us what happened?’
‘No not at all. I don’t know the couple across the road or the man with the white car. I do know most of the neighbours well. I can’t imagine why he threw a pair of ballet shoes at her, but then it got scary when he approached the husband with that huge hammer.’
‘Then what happened?’
‘I just grabbed a bottle from under the sink, not sure what it was, forensics have taken it away. I saw that on a TV drama once.’
Abigail watched with satisfaction as the camera kept rolling.
‘I must apologise for the awful wallpaper, I haven’t been here long, I want to redecorate this room. I always notice the wallpaper when they interview people in their homes…’
She heard a familiar voice at the front door and hoped the police officer on guard would keep everyone out till her interview was finished.
‘…I’m Phillip Morgan her son, why wasn’t I informed, I found out from the television.’
‘Sorry sir, I believe Mrs Morgan said there were no relatives she needed to contact.’
Phillip walked into the tiny lounge as soon as the cameraman walked out and gave him the all clear.
‘Don’t think you’ll get a word in edgeways.’
‘Oh Phillip, there was no need to come over. This is Felicity Wordsmith, have you seen her on the local news? We’re just having a debriefing, off the record. I’m giving her a few tips so she can do one of those investigative reports. One of the neighbours said on Facebook last night that the wife used to be a ballet dancer, so looks like the boyfriend also was a dancer, a famous couple perhaps until she went off to dance with someone else. You and Sandra go to the ballet, do you think you might have seen them?’
‘Mother, the police have told neighbours not to spec…’
‘Felicity thinks White Car Man is the real husband and came to claim her back from the chap she ran away with.’
‘No, no I was just posing that as a possibility to show we have no grounds to make any suppositions…’
‘All the more reason for us to seek out the truth.’
Times and Tides of a Beachwriter 