Tuesday Tiny Tale – Canvassing

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I was pottering in the front garden on Sunday, or rather digging, tugging, planting, weeding, sweating… but it was nice to be out in the sunshine chatting, with all the neighbours also out. I should say the neighbours were going out, coming back, going out again while I went nowhere. But there was still time to chat on matters of importance; which bin is going out this evening, shall I paint your side of the fence? There was a bit of drama when next door sent a text to ask me to go round and check on her daughter who wasn’t answering her phone.

The day was further enlivened when strangers started appearing and some of them were strange. A weird chap had leaflets in his hands.

‘A vote for us is a vote for change. Jerry is a local man born and bred. He will make sure enough social housing is built, while at the same time protecting all our green spaces.’

 Among the bees and blooms I had forgotten we were having a general election, that we were all doomed whoever was in power.

A couple turned up.

‘We’re sure you are aware how much Terrence has done for this town in his sixteen years as your representative.’

‘But he hasn’t done anything to save the planet…’

‘Well nice to speak to you, can we count on your vote on the fourth of July?’

‘Good afternoon, are you fed up with the other parties not keeping their promises and lying?’

‘Have you got any positive policies on the environment…’

‘Yes, in this leaflet you can see us digging a pond at the primary school.’

Along the road there next appeared a strange sight, a flowing green and rainbow cloak, a tall person being led by a guide dog. I couldn’t tell whether he needed the dog because he was blind, or because he had a bucket on his head. It was a bit difficult to hear what he was saying, but the dog seemed to understand.

‘Are you from the Monster Raving Looney Party?’

‘No, that’s the other chap. I’m an independent, Count Bucket Head. Have you decided who to vote for?’

‘No, I just don’t know who to believe.’

‘Well you can count on me, I know what people want because I am a person. My manifesto is in the pamphlet, made entirely from recycled paper, recycled by me with no chemicals used.’

’Yes I can see you have steered clear of the whole glossy leaflet concept.’

I started reading with growing interest.

‘Voting rights for assistance dogs?’

‘Are they not more intelligent than the average voter?’

‘Yes…’

Our pot holed pavements to be made safe with cushionfall laid on all footpaths.

Homes left vacant for more than two weeks to be requisitioned by the local council.

All bonuses to be rescinded and put in a new contingency fund.

‘Whose bonuses?’

‘The bonuses of anyone who gets a bonus.’

I browsed further, there was a lot to read.

‘All sounds good to me, you can count on my vote.’

18 thoughts on “Tuesday Tiny Tale – Canvassing”

  6. I live in the Tory heartland of East Anglia, (only 1 Labour MP in the whole of Norfolk) but our sitting MP and former minister is the one who said he couldn’t live on a ministerial salary of almost £160,00 a year. So no surprise, he is not standing for re-election. Also no surprise, no Tories are door-knocking for votes this year.

    Best wishes, Pete.

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      1. Apparently the Lib-Dems came round. We were out at the supermarket, but our neighbours told us they had been door-knocking. Central Norfolk has been Tory for so long, nobody alive can remember when it wasn’t. They still seem to think they can retain the seat, so haven’t bothered to go door to door.

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  8. I tend not to comment about politics on social media but this I couldn’t resist.
    Bucket head, King Arthur and our local pot hole man couldn’t do any worse. Perhaps we should start up our own SOH (sense of humour) party. We couldn’t do any worse and it might actually be the saving of the country – it’s daft enough to work. 😀

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