Lego

Tales and Tribulations

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I have been a little distanced from blogging recently. It’s half term and I’m briefly in between visitors. This bleak time of year is perfect for catching up on creative pursuits, so I have built the Lego orchid I got for my birthday this time last year and crocheted an African Violet from a Christmas book.

For this year’s birthday my younger son sent me a Fitbit and my older son set it up. I haven’t figured out most of the functions, my main in-put was choosing the colour of the strap, burnt orange. I know my heart is beating and messages pop up on my phone and emails to reveal that since Sunday I have earned three pairs of shoes and a Marathon badge. Even as I write this it has the cheek to buzz me and say it’s time to move.

Most importantly, I have actually published my first book on Amazon Kindle since November 2019, all by myself.

My late husband never read any of my books, but he did learn from scratch how to publish them and created the covers with his photographic and digital skills. He had the advantage of never panicking with computers and not being emotionally involved with the books.

Not completely  by myself as I followed word by word a handy book I downloaded to my Kindle called very originally…

HOW TO PUBLISH A BOOK ON AMAZON

and humbly…

REAL ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO’S DOING IT WELL

and no doubt selling more books than me!

By Sam Kerns

https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Publish-Book-Amazon-2018-ebook/dp/B01M0J5KZA

I went to places on Microsoft Word I have never been before and conquered two of the fears experienced by beginners formulating a manuscript for an eBook, page breaks and even scarier, chapter headings and table of contents.

I got the message every book parent waits for, your book is live on Kindle, before I had even gone to bed. I downloaded it, but it did not appear on my Kindle, which seemed to have gone on WIFI strike. I had no idea if my book was okay.

After trying various things, I eventually hit upon an idea when I got home the next afternoon. I turned my Kindle off and on again and my book appeared instantly.  There might just be a couple of deliberate mistakes on the Kindle version, see if you can spot them.

Yesterday I ordered my second proof copy of the paperback version, all part of the learning experience… Tidalscribe Tales is another collection of short fiction, a handy volume to practice with while my next novel evolves. The challenge is to create a cover with a back, front and spine, with illustrations of some sort. You can use Amazon cover creator or have a go yourself. I wanted to use my own photos; I take many with no idea what size, shape or mysterious formats they might be in. Amazon rejected them. I tried the Amazon cover and it let me put my picture on the front, sort of…  anyway, at least my first proof copy enabled me to spot a few things that needed changing. Hopefully a future blog will reveal how I got on.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tidalscribe-Tales-Janet-Gogerty-ebook/dp/B0DWV9J83V

Silly Sunday – Guessing Games

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REAL OR NOT? ANSWERS AT THE END

Street Art

CHEAP RIDES IF YOU TAKE STANDING ROOM ONLY

African Violet

WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT AND THERE ARE TEN MORE BAGS OF BITS… – what will it be, if you can work out the instructions?

Before Ikea

Could you make this?

ANSWERS

How many did you get right?

Silly Saturday – February Fun

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Be careful not to utter the words ‘Oh what a lovely day’ – the clouds are listening.

You never know when The Green Man is watching you.

When you are expecting visitors and you have forgotten to tidy up.

Brighten your shopping trip

When you ask for Lego for your birthday

A government spokesman denied scientists’ claims that global warming is causing insects and arachnids to become slightly larger.

Silly Sunday – Gifts Galore

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How was your Christmas? Did you see Father Christmas?

Did you get the gifts you wanted?

Did you have any unusual presents?

You may well have had a radio controlled lizard as Amazon apparently sold out.

Perhaps you had a gift voucher for an outdoor sauna in the fog, with the opportunity to sit in a barrel of cold water or thrash yourself with branches.

Train sets are always popular in a variety of sizes…

Especially one that goes with your new Lego set

Or maybe you had something unusual…

…such as a sarcophagus…

What was the most unusual present you gave or received?

Silly Saturday – News 24022024

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YOU READ IT HERE FIRST

House plant expert Flora Flowerdew, speaking on breakfast television, has revealed her secret to success with the three thousand plants she shares her tiny flat with. Flora, whose home has featured on Gardeners’ World viewers’ gardens, said ‘Plant lovers don’t realise plants indoors without the benefit of rain should be washed every day, though it is important to stress that you must not put them in the dishwasher or washing machine.’

Her new book ‘You Can Never Have Too Many Plants’ has become an overnight success. Flora’s personal life has been in the spotlight in the tabloids, but she reassured viewers that she had not split up with her husband, he just moved to a flat nearby which was more suitable for him to work from home.

Most parents are proud of their children’s artistic achievements, but legal experts have warned of the dangers of boasting on social media after a five year old sued his mother for theft of intellectual property. She showed his Christmas wrapping paper on her blog without his permission.

And in another family story a grandmother got a very big surprise from Amazon. Excited that her grandson was coming to visit on his birthday she asked what present he would like. She was not surprised when he said Lego, nor was she surprised when he said he wanted a Lego mini figure as he collects vintage mini figures. He sent her the link to order it on Amazon and she was surprised at how much one figure cost, but she knew Lego was expensive.

All her neighbours were surprised when an overlength vehicle with a police escort arrived in their little cul de sac. On board was a thirty foot high Lego figure. The grandmother, who wishes to remain anonymous, told reporters that she might sue Lego under the trade description act as the figure certainly wasn’t mini, but she also warned other grandparents to read the description before putting an item in the shopping basket.

Finally, in our international, or perhaps interstellar item we look up into the heavens. Tens of people have been excited about the latest moon landing, which is predicted to be the start of the long awaited moon colony. The discovery of one frozen muddy puddle could mean that water can be accessed to brew beer and create oxygen.

Penultimate Monday

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The traditional Monday when you realise Christmas day is next Monday and you haven’t done anything except blogging and playing with elves and Lego.

Last year’s potted Christmas tree, repotted and flourished, too good to put indoors.

Christmas Rose

Healfy Elf

Putting up visitors at Christmas

Today’s cheerful tune is another Australian Christmas carol.

Silly Saturday – Odd October

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When you are glad you walk everywhere.

Never mind your umbrella, don’t forget to take your phone in case it rains.

Do you ever wish Count Binface had won the election?

When you are invited to join the Green Party

When your neighbour gets new security lights.

How has your week been?