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March Monday Musings

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Yes it’s here again. Less stressful than the no plastics challenge, this is a way of counting how much plastic packaging is being produced, started by a chap who saved his plastic waste for a year, was shocked and created an art work with his collection.

This morning was recycling bin collection, we have alternate weeks for Big Bin and the Small Bin for rubbish we can’t recycle or compost. Into Big Bin goes glass, paper, tins, plastics… except soft plastic. But not to worry, our local Co Op stores have a bin for soft plastic, clean dry soft plastic. What an opportunity for dedicated obsessive recyclers, carefully washing out the film they peeled off the fish package… There is also a little brown bin for all food waste, but we are not counting that!

The count is for every piece of plastic, whether thrown away or carefully recycled. I did this last year so I was ready for action, but what category is the tiny tube that the flower food came in with the Mothering Sunday roses?

Has anyone else joined in this or done a similar thing or do you think it’s a load of rubbish?

If you don’t follow Royal stories you might view the following thoughts as rubbish, or perhaps like many of us you can’t resist a good medical tale.

Amidst the awful things going on in the world there has been fraught discussion about the health of the Princess of Wales, coming along at the same time as King Charles’ medical story. Catherine went in for planned abdominal surgery and had a long stay in hospital followed by resting at home. Like all good husbands the Prince of Wales took time off to look after her when she returned home. Nothing was disclosed about what her condition might be, except it is not cancer. Who would want their insides discussed endlessly in public, or their children hearing their mother’s medical history discussed?

On Woman’s Hour this morning the presenter said she was not interested in knowing. Really? Lots of us are, but don’t go blabbing on social media, just may have chatted in private with our friends or sisters who happen to be doctors! Just harmless wondering… Anyone who has been in and out of hospital in a day or two will naturally wonder what could possibly take such a long recovery. Perhaps we want to check if it’s a condition we haven’t heard of, but need to worry about. Women the same age or with daughters in that age group could be concerned…

Now the medical story has been turned into a ridiculous frenzy because of the digital altering conspiracy. The pleasant family photo taken by Prince William for Mothering Sunday may not be ‘true’, though today Catherine admitted that she did a bit of digital altering, like millions of people do with their cameras and smart phones.

WARNING, THIS MAY NOT BE A GENUINE PICTURE OF THE ROYAL FAMILY

How has your Monday been?

Tuesday Tale -Kitchen Sink Drama Two

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Tuesday Tale -Kitchen Sink Drama
Tonight’s story follows on from last week’s.

‘Phillip, come in here quick, your mother’s on the television.’

‘A police spokesman said if it were not for the quick thinking of grandmother Abigail Morgan the incident could have become a tragedy.’

‘I just happened to glance out of my kitchen window last night before I went to watch the news and I noticed an altercation across the road. When I saw a man take a pair of ballet shoes and then a huge hammer from the boot of his car, I knew I must call the police.’

‘Were you worried they would arrive too late?’

‘I wasn’t sure if they would arrive at all, so I rushed outside.’

‘I don’t believe it, I knew we shouldn’t have let Mother live there.’

‘Phillip, it wasn’t up to you, she’s quite capable of making her own decisions, though she must be regretting her choice now.’

‘She had better stay with us until we can get that place sold. I’ll ring Oakdene and see if that flat is still available.’

‘I’m sure she won’t want to stay with us… oh shoosh , they’re talking to some of her weird neighbours.’

‘There’s always trouble around here since they opened that half way house.’

‘We’ve never had anything like this before, it’s a lovely quiet road, lots of families.’

‘There is a lot of confusion as to what actually happened here last night and why the arrested man was bizarrely waving a pair of ballet shoes in one hand and a sledge hammer in the other. Neighbours have spoken of seeing the white car parked regularly in this road, but nobody could name him. Police reassured locals that this was an isolated incident with no danger to the public. A local dog walker did not see what happened, but knows the Supergran well.’

‘I always walk this way to the park and have a chat with Abigail. I can’t believe she tackled a mad axeman alone.’

‘Ah, a police inspector is about to address the crowd of concerned neighbours.’

‘Police response was prompt last night and officers bravely disarmed a man in his early forties.’

‘They only caught him because that old lady had already squirted pepper spray in his eyes.’

‘Yeah and it’s the first time in twenty years I’ve seen police down this road.’

 ‘The arrested man is in hospital under police guard with eye injuries believed to be caused by a domestic cleaning product. He is not known to police and does not appear to have any mental health issues. I would ask that members of the public do not speculate on social media about what happened.’

Abigail made yet another cup of tea. After a second formal police interview she was looking forward to a more relaxed chat with a young woman reporter and a cameraman. She had tried to keep her answers to the police confined to the stark facts, but would have loved to be outside with the other neighbours speculating further. Abigail had been awake most of the night, sitting up in bed with her iPad and phone, following and contributing to the local Facebook page and WhatsApp group.

‘I believe you refused medical treatment last night Mrs Morgan?’

‘Of course, nothing wrong with me. Though I feel I’m under arrest, a police woman stayed here all night, don’t know what they thought was going to happen.’

‘You don’t have any family nearby?’

‘Oh yes, my son and daughter-in-law on the other side of town. I moved here to be nearer them.’

‘They must have been concerned about what happened.’

‘I didn’t bother to tell them and everyone here has been very nice.’

‘Would it be too upsetting for you to tell us what happened?’

‘No not at all. I don’t know the couple across the road or the man with the white car. I do know most of the neighbours well. I can’t imagine why he threw a pair of ballet shoes at her, but then it got scary when he approached the husband with that huge hammer.’

‘Then what happened?’

‘I just grabbed a bottle from under the sink, not sure what it was, forensics have taken it away. I saw that on a TV drama once.’

Abigail watched with satisfaction as the camera kept rolling.

‘I must apologise for the awful wallpaper, I haven’t been here long, I want to redecorate this room. I always notice the wallpaper when they interview people in their homes…’

She heard a familiar voice at the front door and hoped the police officer on guard would keep everyone out till her interview was finished.

‘…I’m Phillip Morgan her son, why wasn’t I informed, I found out from the television.’

‘Sorry sir, I believe Mrs Morgan said there were no relatives she needed to contact.’

Phillip walked into the tiny lounge as soon as the cameraman walked out and gave him the all clear.

 ‘Don’t think you’ll get a word in edgeways.’

‘Oh Phillip, there was no need to come over. This is Felicity Wordsmith, have you seen her on the local news? We’re just having a debriefing, off the record. I’m giving her a few tips so she can do one of those investigative reports. One of the neighbours said on Facebook last night that the wife used to be a ballet dancer, so looks like the boyfriend also was a dancer, a famous couple perhaps until she went off to dance with someone else. You and Sandra go to the ballet, do you think you might have seen them?’

‘Mother, the police have told neighbours not to spec…’

‘Felicity thinks White Car Man is the real husband and came to claim her back from the chap she ran away with.’

‘No, no I was just posing that as a possibility to show we have no grounds to make any suppositions…’

‘All the more reason for us to seek out the truth.’

Doors

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Exchanges with strangers used to be mostly about the weather; now as you pass someone walking by the river they are likely to look up from their phone and say ‘Chancellor’s gone’ or ‘She’s resigned then.’ In the queue at the supermarket you will not hear ‘Why can’t they open another till’ but ‘…talk about revolving doors’ or ‘Well, we’ve got another Prime Minister.’

Revolving doors or the usual wooden black door, Number 10 Downing Street must be the most watched door in the country, perhaps in the whole world. If you see a long shot down the short street, or a news camera pans round, you will see banks of cameras and reporters on the other side. One thing you don’t need to remember if you are Prime Minister is your door keys, but you do need to remember other things; slippers off, high heels on, speech notes, the lectern ( each Prime Minister apparently has their own ) and an overnight bag just in case you aren’t allowed back in.

There are many other doors under surveillance by the press. Any MP or minister likely to be resigning, sacked, promoted or reinstated will have the press outside their home. We can watch on breakfast television as they go out jogging or set off for parliament or Downing Street on their bikes or in their cars. One of the many reasons I have never gone into politics is that I would trip as I jogged away, wobble off my bike, or the car wouldn’t start in front of all those cameras. I also have enough trouble getting out of the front door under no pressure, having gone back upstairs at least three times and unlocked the door at least twice for something I’ve forgotten. Our great leaders may not be any good at running the country, but they do know how to get out of their front doors. They do not fiddle around with the door wide open tying up their trainers or pat their pockets ( in the case of the ladies, rummage around in their handbags in panic ) checking they have door keys, car keys, phone, wallet, loose change for the Big Issue man. Nor do they slide out backwards, crouching, trying to make sure the new puppy does not escape. They do not have to drag reluctant children with them who have to be dropped off at school on the way.

It would keep the press on their toes if, just as they asked a pertinent question such as ‘Will you still have a job at the end of today Minister?’ he or she pressed their palm to their forehead and fumbled with their keys to dash back indoors because they had forgotten their briefcase, to feed the cat, go to the loo, lock the back door… Or perhaps they would start to give a newsworthy answer just as their loved one came to the door with hugs and smoochy kisses to wish them luck and say they will still love them, even when they are no longer a Minister.

Friday Flash Fiction – Digital Dialogue – Gone

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Gone, what do you mean, Gone?

As in lost.

As in Can’t Be Found?

As in Not Found Yet.

Considering you were not to let him out of your sight, let us clarify how long you think he has been missing.

I’m not exactly sure.

And are you sure he is definitely missing, hasn’t just wandered into the garden or gone after the cat?

I… we’ve checked everywhere, not in the flat or the offices.

Not popped next door?

No they have not seen him, we have double checked everywhere.

What about the dog?

He’s not missing, he’s gone with her and the baby to her mother’s.

I’m not worried about that mongrel; so we know he hasn’t gone out with the dog… Bicycle still there?

Where?

Where he keeps it locked up of course, I know it’s your first day on the job, but you did do the induction and familiarisation, Sergeant?

Of course Sir and now you come to mention it, his bike has gone …and his rucksack and the keys to the cabinet…

WHAT! We now have only thirty minutes till the press briefing and we don’t want to call a major security alert.

I don’t think the press conference is our main worry Sir, they can delay it, won’t be the first time, or get that expert chap or one of the ministers? Not really our problem is it Sir, we’re just pro..

Precisely… remind me why you wanted to be a protection officer?

I wanted to do Royal protection duties, but they wouldn’t have me.

This is a most important press briefing, have you seen how many are outside? All we can do now is make sure this doesn’t get out, so before I suspend you from your duties as second in command of the Prime Minister’s protection team, could you contrive to leak some kind of cover up story to Laura Kuenssberg and the BBC.

Covid?

No, we’ve already done that story, think of something else credible that she wont see through…