Live coverage from my house, all you need to know about the general election.
Who were the other candidates? How boring would elections be if we didn’t have those from minority parties willing to stand… Nick the Incredible Flying Brick, The Official Monster Raving Loony Party, 162 votes and the other strong contender Bobby “Elmo” Smith, Independent, 19 votes.
Other candidates had fun along the campaign trail…
But a more traditionally dressed chap is going to be the new Prime Minister.
Elections are strange things. The only certainty being that new governments rarely keep all their election promises. Hopefully a good outcome, but there were people who got in that we certainly don’t want and some MPS who did not deserve to lose their seats, let down by others in their party. If results were analysed how would you measure success if you were elected?. How many people actually turned up to vote and how many voted for you in desperation to keep someone else out?
Our polling stations have just closed and a long night lies ahead for some. At my polling station the chap checking our photo ID greeted me theatrically with ‘Welcome to the brightest spot in BCP ( the very unoriginal name of our combined councils ). A dull church hall! Then he said ‘Do you like quizzes.‘ Yes I do. ‘Just one question, what is your name?‘ Luckily I passed.
Out and about all day, passing polling stations that weren’t mine, I did see a steady trickle of people heading to vote. On the news they are not allowed to mention politics so instead they kept showing pictures of dogs tied up outside polling stations. Someone on Facebook complained that dogs were not allowed in. One of my earliest memories is of standing outside a polling station in the dark with a tall policeman, the traditional Bobby with a helmet, while my parents went inside. My daughter took her boys with her to vote at 7am and they were allowed in, though probably not allowed to draw pictures on the ballot paper.
Coverage of the count has started on television, how to fill in the long hours waiting for the first count to come in? Lots of intense discussion about what happened last time and what may or may not happen this time. Excitement builds as we start seeing candidates on the stage setting their faces for the right expression when the numbers of votes are read out… Count Binface, Sensible Party 6023 votes, Janet Gogerty, Tidalscribe party 23 votes…
Will you be staying up to follow the results?
If you don’t live in the United Kingdom are you interested?
I was pottering in the front garden on Sunday, or rather digging, tugging, planting, weeding, sweating… but it was nice to be out in the sunshine chatting, with all the neighbours also out. I should say the neighbours were going out, coming back, going out again while I went nowhere. But there was still time to chat on matters of importance; which bin is going out this evening, shall I paint your side of the fence? There was a bit of drama when next door sent a text to ask me to go round and check on her daughter who wasn’t answering her phone.
The day was further enlivened when strangers started appearing and some of them were strange. A weird chap had leaflets in his hands.
‘A vote for us is a vote for change. Jerry is a local man born and bred. He will make sure enough social housing is built, while at the same time protecting all our green spaces.’
Among the bees and blooms I had forgotten we were having a general election, that we were all doomed whoever was in power.
A couple turned up.
‘We’re sure you are aware how much Terrence has done for this town in his sixteen years as your representative.’
‘But he hasn’t done anything to save the planet…’
‘Well nice to speak to you, can we count on your vote on the fourth of July?’
‘Good afternoon, are you fed up with the other parties not keeping their promises and lying?’
‘Have you got any positive policies on the environment…’
‘Yes, in this leaflet you can see us digging a pond at the primary school.’
Along the road there next appeared a strange sight, a flowing green and rainbow cloak, a tall person being led by a guide dog. I couldn’t tell whether he needed the dog because he was blind, or because he had a bucket on his head. It was a bit difficult to hear what he was saying, but the dog seemed to understand.
‘Are you from the Monster Raving Looney Party?’
‘No, that’s the other chap. I’m an independent, Count Bucket Head. Have you decided who to vote for?’
‘No, I just don’t know who to believe.’
‘Well you can count on me, I know what people want because I am a person. My manifesto is in the pamphlet, made entirely from recycled paper, recycled by me with no chemicals used.’
’Yes I can see you have steered clear of the whole glossy leaflet concept.’
I started reading with growing interest.
‘Voting rights for assistance dogs?’
‘Are they not more intelligent than the average voter?’
‘Yes…’
Our pot holed pavements to be made safe with cushionfall laid on all footpaths.
Homes left vacant for more than two weeks to be requisitioned by the local council.
All bonuses to be rescinded and put in a new contingency fund.
‘Whose bonuses?’
‘The bonuses of anyone who gets a bonus.’
I browsed further, there was a lot to read.
‘All sounds good to me, you can count on my vote.’
Times and Tides of a Beachwriter 