What if you woke up one morning and couldn’t think what to write or blog…
Revolutionary new technique shows what the inside of a writer’s mind actually looks like.
When your home made Christmas cards go wrong.
When you are tasked with finding the venue for your club’s Christmas Do
What a writer’s mind looks like when they are asleep.
When writers are distracted from writing
A day in the life of a writer’s computer
Cartoon courtesy of Big Issue magazine.
I have been a little distanced from blogging recently. It’s half term and I’m briefly in between visitors. This bleak time of year is perfect for catching up on creative pursuits, so I have built the Lego orchid I got for my birthday this time last year and crocheted an African Violet from a Christmas book.
For this year’s birthday my younger son sent me a Fitbit and my older son set it up. I haven’t figured out most of the functions, my main in-put was choosing the colour of the strap, burnt orange. I know my heart is beating and messages pop up on my phone and emails to reveal that since Sunday I have earned three pairs of shoes and a Marathon badge. Even as I write this it has the cheek to buzz me and say it’s time to move.
Most importantly, I have actually published my first book on Amazon Kindle since November 2019, all by myself.
My late husband never read any of my books, but he did learn from scratch how to publish them and created the covers with his photographic and digital skills. He had the advantage of never panicking with computers and not being emotionally involved with the books.
Not completely by myself as I followed word by word a handy book I downloaded to my Kindle called very originally…
HOW TO PUBLISH A BOOK ON AMAZON
and humbly…
REAL ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO’S DOING IT WELL
and no doubt selling more books than me!
By Sam Kerns
https://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Publish-Book-Amazon-2018-ebook/dp/B01M0J5KZA
I went to places on Microsoft Word I have never been before and conquered two of the fears experienced by beginners formulating a manuscript for an eBook, page breaks and even scarier, chapter headings and table of contents.
I got the message every book parent waits for, your book is live on Kindle, before I had even gone to bed. I downloaded it, but it did not appear on my Kindle, which seemed to have gone on WIFI strike. I had no idea if my book was okay.
After trying various things, I eventually hit upon an idea when I got home the next afternoon. I turned my Kindle off and on again and my book appeared instantly. There might just be a couple of deliberate mistakes on the Kindle version, see if you can spot them.
Yesterday I ordered my second proof copy of the paperback version, all part of the learning experience… Tidalscribe Tales is another collection of short fiction, a handy volume to practice with while my next novel evolves. The challenge is to create a cover with a back, front and spine, with illustrations of some sort. You can use Amazon cover creator or have a go yourself. I wanted to use my own photos; I take many with no idea what size, shape or mysterious formats they might be in. Amazon rejected them. I tried the Amazon cover and it let me put my picture on the front, sort of… anyway, at least my first proof copy enabled me to spot a few things that needed changing. Hopefully a future blog will reveal how I got on.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Tidalscribe-Tales-Janet-Gogerty-ebook/dp/B0DWV9J83V
Here we are, standing shivering, wondering why we have been woken up before sunrise. TV cameras intruding just to please breakfast television, then the reporter has the cheek to say
‘Of course these chaps don’t feel the cold, they come from the Antarctic.’
I come from Bristol and my feet are frozen.
Yup, same with us. There they are in their Alpine designer outdoor wear talking about our fur coats keeping us warm in the Gobi desert. They don’t even keep us warm in English snow, let alone the Gobi, not that I have ever seen an actual desert.
Don’t know why they were so surprised we had a baby, we’ve known for ages, chose a name weeks ago. Now they have the cheek to announce a competition to name OUR baby.
She’s right, taking away our dignity and identity, trying to disconnect us from thousands of years of family tradition, the proud name of our clan. They have no fashion sense then laugh at our stripes. Then the ultimate insult, what name do they give us? ZEBRAS! How ridiculous a name is that.
It could be worse, what about me. Miss know-it-all reporter is telling everyone I’m going to give birth to a mammoth. I thought they had laws against offensive remarks. There is nothing more insulting you can call us than Mammoth. There is a very good reason those hairy idiots died out millennia ago.
How was Febmas for you?
Strange guests?
Or a touch of spring?
The traditional Febmas morning run?
What is the most unusual cheese you had for Febmas? Answer to this one at the end.
How many Aliens came to your garden?
The traditional Big Shop for Febmas. How much does this box weigh?
For most of us Febmas is over now and time to get ready for spring.
Answers, not necessarily in the right order…
6.5 kilograms
One
Chocolate, Cheshire cheese and brandy.
Tell us about your Febmas, strangest cheese and visitors…
Today is Winter solstice.
FAREWELL TO NOVEMBER
IT’S TIME FOR WHICH ANCIENT TRADITION?
ELF ON THE SHELF
ELF AT THE GARDEN CENTRE
An antidote to Christmas musak and guaranteed cheerful…
Why do we in the Northern Hemisphere who have daylight saving, always say with surprise, soon into November ‘Doesn’t it get dark early?’ Luckily we have squirrels to light our way home.
We learnt a new word today at our ‘Wellness Pilates’ class. A new class is starting at the sports centre – Equilates. Browsing the internet I see it is not new. What is it? Clue below and answer at the end of this post.
Too many books? You can never have too many books or can you? A decorating project Chez Tidalscribe led to moving a lot of books and wondering why so many are unread. Some are inherited from my book loving aunt and uncle, others date back to our Book Club days when we would leave a book club, then re-join it later to get yet another introductory offer of six books for a pound each, then there are the treasured Christmas presents. Many are beautiful illustrated hardback non fiction, excellent reference books in pre internet days. Alas, when we are writing a blog or checking facts for our novels, we don’t say to ourselves ‘I’ll just pop downstairs and look that up in the very heavy giant Encyclopaedia of British History or the equally heavy Family Medical Encyclopaedia ( probably out of date )’; we just Google it. As I dust each book to decide where to put it on the new shelves I am overwhelmed with guilt at my neglect and promise to read it on the afore mentioned long winter evenings.
Answer to equilates.. apparently around for a while, it is Pilates for horse riders, not the horse, though that may well come. We didn’t know horse massage and saddle fitting was ‘a thing’ till a family member trained for them and soon acquired plenty of clients.
Do you have too many books?
Have you attended any interesting classes lately?
Don’t bother to sit down, there is no point in getting comfortable as you are bound to have forgotten something and will have to get up again.
Whether you have sat down purposefully in your snug office to get on with some super creativity or are settling down with dinner on your lap tray to watch your favourite programme, you will have forgotten something.
Ready for a nice cup of tea/coffee or a cooling beer? Planning to look at the newspaper, check your emails or watch TV? You will forget a pen for the crossword, your phone or the TV remote. Conversely you may sit down prepared for every eventuality then realise your drink is still sitting in the kitchen.
Here is a helpful list of items you may need before sitting down for a tea break or a cosy evening with Netflix. Select according to your interests, hobbies, age and health.
Smart phone, house phone, iPad, TV remote, knitting, tablets ( the sort you swallow ) , glass of water for said tablets, wheat bag heated in the microwave for your neck or any sore body part, ice pack for knee or any injured body part, cutlery for your dinner, beanbag tray for your dinner, notepad and pen in case inspiration strikes, hankies/tissues if you have a streaming cold, throw for snuggling under…
But don’t think you can relax, even if you have checked the list. Do you need to let the dog in, feed the cat? Have you closed the curtains/blinds? In the northern hemisphere days are drawing in and ten minutes after you settle down passers by will see a brightly lit tableau of you lounging on your sofa. I know this because I love to see front rooms lit up and have a peep at people’s décor and what they are up to.
Even when you are organised and comfortable there are events beyond your control, like your Amazon delivery arriving…
Have a nice evening.
Times and Tides of a Beachwriter 