When Ada set out to buy a birthday present for her friend’s daughter she was surprised to see a bizarre crowd outside the large toy shop. Mostly women, a handful of men, people of all shapes and sizes, some in wheelchairs or with guide dogs. Heads turned as she tried to pass through to the shop entrance, but Ada was used to her statuesque figure turning heads.
Ada had been named after Ada Lovelace, abandoned daughter of Lord Byron, who became a brilliant mathematician and the world’s first computer expert. She had lived up to her parents’ ambition, but few people noticed her for her brains and degree in molecular science, they just saw a dumb blonde.
Ada’s mother was short and cuddly, her father was short and dark. By the time Ada was twelve she was taller than her parents and her short older brother called her ‘giraffe legs’. She wondered if she was adopted, but her parents assured her she wasn’t. Ada could hardly ask her mother if she was the result of an illicit affair and her father claimed she merely took after his Scandinavian tall blonde ancestors.
As Ada squeezed past the crowd she took in the words on the banners and boards held aloft.
Ban Barbie
We Want Real Dolls
Diversity
Mattel, please portray Real Women.
Ada sighed; everyone said traditional Barbie dolls did not look like real women, but Ada looked just like a Barbie Doll, everyone at high school called her Barbie and even her mother said they would have called her Barbara if they had known how she would turn out. It was not her fault she had legs that went on forever and breasts that were not large, but looked voluptuous on her slim figure. She was just as real as any of the women in the crowd, though often she didn’t feel real. Boys and young men had always been daunted by her appearance. What she needed was a real life vey tall Ken look alike, a Ken look alike who had brains to match hers. She wondered if she should step up to defend Barbie, but all she wanted to do was get in the shop, buy a present and get home. Ada hated shopping and knew nothing about toy shops.
The shop was empty; no one else had braved the crowd and Ada assumed the staff must be hiding in the stock room.
Her friend Wanda had said ‘Don’t get her a Barbie’. When Ada had asked what she would like, Wanda laughed and said ‘A Barbie… but No dolls, No pink, get something creative, educational…’
As Ada wandered down the aisles in frustration she found herself in a pink froth of Barbie shelves, but above the pink froth was a small sign Diversity Barbie. On the top shelf, way out of children’s sight and the reach of most parents, were the diversity dolls. Glamourous Barbie perched in a wheelchair, looking ready to leap out at any moment, brown Barbies, curvaceous Barbie and then she spotted her. A smiling black Barbie with an Afro hair style and best of all, a prosthetic leg. Perfect, the doll did look uncannily like the exotic Wanda. Her friend had lost her leg in a nasty car accident as a teenager; when her daughter was tiny she thought all mothers only had one leg.
Back outside the shop the crowd had grown, Ada tried to tell them about Diverse Barbie, but they thought she had been sent out by the toy shop. As they threw insults she had an idea, it would be safer to join in. After all, there were not many dolls on the diverse shelf and few that looked like this crowd. It was easy to keep their attention as she stood head and shoulders above most of them.
‘We want Chubby Barbie… Fat Ken… Refugee Ken… Acne Barbie… Down’s Syndrome Barbie… Disabled Army Veteran Ken.’
The crowd cheered her on then added more suggestions, not all of them politically correct… Ada tried to think of more diverse variations, she was enjoying her first ever protest. Then she noticed a couple of police cars arriving.
‘Conjoined Twins Barbies’ she called out as she made a hasty retreat.
That afternoon she went round to Wanda’s house, she wanted to give the child her present and get out before the little guests started arriving for the party. The reaction wasn’t quite what she expected. Wanda frowned as the wrapping paper was torn off, then burst out laughing when her daughter ripped the box open.
‘Well Ada, now you’re not the only one who’s a Barbie!’
Alas, her little daughter burst into floods of tears.
‘But I wanted a real Barbie like Nicole’s got.’
Times and Tides of a Beachwriter 
Oh, dear. My mother refused to buy me a Barbie because she did not want me to have unrealistic expectations for my grown-up body.
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I could have had a Sindy doll, Barbie’s English cousin with a more realistic figure and a head four times as large! As I wasn’t interested in dolls anyway, can’t blame Mum for not getting me one. But mother’s friend had three daughters older than me and they introduced me to the el cheapo version of Barbie called ‘teenage dolls’ and made out of cheap polythene, the friends stuck needles in their breasts to give them nipples! I fully intended not to give my daughter Barbie, but her little friend gave her a spare one. She also acquired Ken, but her big brother broke his leg off!
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Well done! I had dolls from the Johnny West series. I had cowgirls and cowboys.
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Sounds much more fun Q!
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Some powerful punching in amongst the humour, Janet. Loved Conjoined Twins Barbie. Perhaps you might also have added Trans Barbie to be totally on trend. 😉 Male action figure dolls like GI Joe didn’t appear until after I might have been interested in toys of that kind. However I do remember my parents buying a doll with lustrous long blonde hair that they couldn’t really afford for my younger sister, who shortly after gave it a crew cut. Through your Australian connections you might have come across Feral Cheryl, the hippie alternative to Barbie. http://www.feralcheryl.com.au/
PS – Along with Ada Lovelace, the glamorous Austrian-born actress Hedy Lamarr came to mind. She and a male colleague invented the frequency-hopping spread spectrum, which later became what we know as Bluetooth.
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Feralcheryl looks fun. I was nearly going to add transbarbie or Transken but feared I might offend or the terminology might have changed overnight! Actually I thought of quite a few very diverse combinations which I leave to your imagination Doug!
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Always a dangerous thing, Janet. 🙂 As for offending anyone, don’t worry, there’s always someone who’ll find a way to be offended, even if it’s only because you forgot to offend them specifically. 😉
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Nice navigation through controversial waters.
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Thanks Geoff.
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The territorial waters of a child’s birthday are filled with sharks. Do you buy for the child, the parents or give a gift token and keep the squabbling private? Clever story.
Huge Hugs
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Thanks David, yes best stick to Lego?
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Does Ken have an equal amount of diverse models? 😎
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Hello Pete, I don’t think so, but there is a long haired blonde Ken!
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I remember my female cousins playing with porcelain-faced ‘Chinese girl’ dolls. I doubt they would be allowed in the age of diversity, as their eyes were just painted straight lines.
Best wishes, Pete.
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The worst doll I can remember, not that I had one, was a two headed baby doll; one way up she was white, wearing a dress, turn her upside down and the dress reversed to reveal a black doll’s head, enough to give any child nightmares!
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they should create a website that would allow kids/adults to build their own customized Barbie dolls that would have exactly everything they wanted. and I’m also thinking about a Barbie house that would be wheelchair-friendly…
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Yes that’s a brilliant idea Jim, I think you should get on to them.
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maybe I should patent the idea and sell it to them… 🙂
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This was so creative and fun. Children just want what they want. I think they’re still protected from the vices of enforced equality. Well written! 🙂
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Thanks Terveen
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great humour in this , I enjoyed reading
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Thanks David
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