There was a word that made Mary shudder; she seemed to hear it everywhere she went. It was a four letter word beginning with F… FALL. In conversations it was usually preceded with phrases such as;
Did you hear Mrs. Burton had a nasty…
Of course she was never the same after her…
He had just got off the bus when…
The Waitrose staff were very good when she had her…
Most infuriating of all was her own daughter’s loud voice as they negotiated National Trust Gardens.
Mind you don’t…
Like death, falls were something that happened to other people, usually The Elderly and Mary did not include herself in that category. Why, she was the same age as The Queen and David Attenborough, Her Majesty wasn’t elderly and Sir David certainly wasn’t. There were other terms and words that Mary avoided; stairlifts, wheelchairs, mobility aids and that condition Mary couldn’t even utter to herself, frequently referred to in advertisements during daytime television.
As Mary briskly walked down the high street, she noticed with distaste that Betty was cheerfully pushing a shiny red three wheeled contraption.
‘My son bought it for me last week, after my fall’ explained Betty proudly.
But however sprightly Mary felt, she found herself being very careful, not wanting to end up like that woman on Tuesday.
There had been a circle of concerned people outside Somerfield’s and a young man with a mobile phone had taken charge. Sprawled in the middle of the pavement was an old lady, her skirt up past her knees in a most undignified manner. Mary had scurried by, making a mental note to always wear slacks when she went out.
At the door to the ‘Cosy Teapot’ she took the two steps up carefully to make a dignified entrance. Her daughter Catherine was already there.
‘I thought we’d sit downstairs mother, you don’t want to have a fall on those rickety stairs.’
Mary ignored that remark.
‘You’re looking very tired this morning Catherine, perhaps it’s the menopause’ she said, as the young waiter came to their table.
‘Well,’ said the younger woman, obviously keen to relate a drama ‘we were fast asleep last night when the phone suddenly rang; I looked at the clock, it was three thirty a.m. my heart was thumping, I thought it must be bad news from Australia or you taken ill.’
‘Why would you think I might be ill?’ Mary interrupted.
Catherine carried on regardless. ‘To my relief it was only Careline; Miss Brown next door had fallen out of bed and couldn’t get up. We had to go round with the spare keys to let the ambulance people in. Next time we’ll take a torch; it took us ages to find the light switches… and Miss Brown, she was wedged on the other side of the bed. When the ambulance men finally came they asked if she was my mother! I’m sure they thought it was our fault her house is such a mess. But they were quite jolly, checked her blood pressure, got her back into bed, filled in lots of forms and declared she was fine. By that time it was five a.m.’
‘That old woman should have gone in a home years ago’ said Mary unsympathetically.
‘She’s younger than you Mother… hmm you could have one of those Careline buttons, just in case.’
‘Certainly not.’ Mary cringed at the idea of neighbours and medics tramping round her bedroom in the middle of the night and changed the subject. ‘Rita had her own drama the other day, when it was so hot; her daughter took her shopping and they were outside Asda when her daughter suddenly fainted. After much kafuffle, they were both sat on chairs inside Asda and the manager came rushing over and patted Rita’s hand, asking if she was alright. She told him indignantly she was fine, it was her daughter. We had a good laugh over that.’
The two women tucked into their cake.
‘…anyway, what have you been doing this week Mum?’
‘The old people’s lunch club started back yesterday and we had a new volunteer. You’ll never believe what she said to me “Here’s a spare seat dear.” I told her in no uncertain terms. “I’m serving not eating.”
She wondered what Catherine found so funny.
That afternoon Mary was pottering in her garden, glad she didn’t require a gardener. Her grandson mowed the lawn, put her hanging baskets up and did some of the heavier jobs; he enjoyed doing it. The garden was one of the many reasons why she refused to be shoe horned into some pokey flat
Mary was a compulsive dead header and was tidying her favourite basket which hung from the shed wall. One dead bloom eluded her, but if she just stretched a little… suddenly her foot slipped off the edge of the path.
She couldn’t believe she was lying on the ground, but was greatly relieved no one had seen. This wasn’t a fall, just a slip and she was sure she could get up; with the help of the wall and the trellis she pulled herself triumphantly to her feet. Not a fall, not a drama, but perhaps it was time she went indoors to have a nice cup of tea and watch Countdown; she could rinse that spot of blood off her hands while the kettle was boiling.
As she moved cautiously up the path to the back door she heard sirens screeching. This used to be such a quiet street she mused, someone must be causing trouble. Loud rustling noises caused her to turn round; a policeman was climbing over her wall, he must be chasing a burglar.
‘Wrong garden’ she tried to call, but he rushed over to her.
‘Are you alright madam?’ he asked, before replying to his radio. ‘PC476, re. report of elderly lady collapsed in garden, I’m dealing, ambulance in attendance.’ He turned to Mary. ‘Lucky for you an old man over the back saw you out of his bedroom window, knew he couldn’t help, so he dialled 999. Now, we’ll get you into the house and open the front door for the paramedics.’
The opening of the front door revealed two men in green and several concerned neighbours. She tried to protest.
‘I’m fine, there’s been a terrible mistake.’
To her horror she heard the ambulance man say to her neighbour ‘Does she often get confused or have falls?’
FOR MORE SHORT STORIES DIP INTO THE CHOCOLATES – ONLY 99 PENCE
Times and Tides of a Beachwriter 
a great example of pride goeth before fall…
and I thought a dead header was someone who liked The Grateful Dead…
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Deadheading is one of the safer jobs in the garden or perhaps not…
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there’s an exception to every rule…
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Good one, Jim!
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thanks, Liz!
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Mary knows a little concern is fine but too much is intrusive when you’re quite insular and self sufficient. After all, she’s only as old as the Queen and she hates fuss too. But still, she’d have a story for Catherine next week.
Hugs
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Yes David and her neighbours will have a story alas!
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Funny but could easily happen!
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So many threads to unravel in this piece, Janet. The infantilising of older people, ignoring their wishes to stay in their own homes at all costs, the dreadful reputations of many nursing homes, and the list goes on. You’ve lifted the lid on a real can of worms and they will surely benefit Mary’s garden. 😉
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Ha ha, yes nothing like a a of worms, though I do have an elderly, I mean slightly older than me, neighbour who has a worm phobia so she has to have a gardener.
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PS – Just bought your box of chocolates to dip into later; far too decadent to dip into for breakfast. 🙂
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Thanks Doug, hope you enjoy it with your coffee break.
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Hmm, I’m trying to puzzle out why when I go to the doctor for a routine check, I always get the question, “Have you fallen?” What’s up with that, apropos of nothing?
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Yes, they always ask if I’ve fallen and if I am afraid of falling. Yeah, I’ve fallen my whole life and I’m afraid of it in the sense that I’m afraid of cancer and food poisoning.
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How annoying, doctor will be wanting you to go to the falls clinic next!
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I remember when I was growing up ‘fallen’ was a euphemism for both pregnancy and having loose morals and I could never quite make the connection. 😉
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Yes, the original fall was in the Garden of Eden!
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Brought back a few memories with this one, Janet. My mother-in-law fell out in her backyard while gardening. She didn’t hurt herself, but she couldn’t get back up. Fortunately, one of her grandsons came by an hour later, or she might have been out there overnight.
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Oh dear, she was lucky, my friend’s aunt fell in the garden in winter and wasn’t found till the next morning – dead!
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Wow! I can’t like that comment. What a way to go!
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Great post. I do remember being shocked to hear a report about a time my Dad fell. He was uninjured but he and my mother could not get him up, so she called the fire department and they provided help.
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We have to dial 999 and ask for an ambulance if someone can’t get up- usually a paramedic arrives in a car as the advance party! The old lady next door was always falling in the middle of the night and pressing her careline button; they would then phone us and we would call for help. Sometimes they popped her back into bed in 10 seconds, other times gave her a complete check up, but they never took her off to hospital!
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Stereotyping really sucks. It’s enough to brainwash someone into becoming feeble.
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Yes Deborah and stereotyping has gone into hyperdrive with Covid classifying people as vulnerable without their permission!
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Sometimes it nice to be treated with consideration but it is not nice to be patronized or seen as not capable.
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I could really identify with this story – it takes a lot of courage not to be afraid. As Betty Davis so famously said, “Old age isn’t for sissies.”
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Thanks Bernadette, many have come to appreciate Betty Davis’ saying!
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I love this story, Janet. Mary represents this resistance to growing old. The ending is perfect and that chocolate cake looks yummy! ❤
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Thanks Carol. I actually wrote this a good few years ago, but The Queen and David Attenborough are still going strong. The chocolate cake was eaten in a good cause at a charity coffee morning!
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Oh Lord, is this the eventual fate of us all, the being patronised, the bogeyman of ‘the fall’ lurking round every corner. Great story – if sobering!
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Thanks, I hope not, though I do get nervous when I see The Queen tottering along by herself when she has strapping sons and grandsons to hang on to!
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Having gone through my dad with a pulmonary embolism he is struggling to recover from recently and having taken my mom and elderly aunt for their second covid vaccines recently, Janet, I am wondering about the benefits of longevity. I know everyone wants to live forever but I do wonder about being so infirm and losing independence eventually. It’s quite scary for me.
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Yes my mother decided against having a worn out heart valve replaced in favour of letting nature take it’s course and still lived longer than expected! She was against the elderly being constantly repaired.
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