blogging

Saying Grace

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And now, new on BBC Radio Four, a well known author, blogger and podcaster, brings her unique views to radio. Grace Darling says it as it is…

Hello and welcome. Here we are going to talk about anything and everything. Do you ever wake up in the middle of the night and wonder why it took humans so long to invent the bicycle or where Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor goes to do his shopping now?

My guests this week are not revealing their names in case they are persecuted in social media, but I’m sure they will chip in with some acerbic comments.

What careers did you aspire to when you were at school? I wanted to be a journalist, but my home town only had one newspaper and nothing happened to be reported anyway. Now we can all be journalists with the wonders of PressWords and suchlike. My blog Scribbletide. com has millions of followers, some of them even genuine.

My next career idea in sixth form was to be a Political Editor, they don’t seem to have to do much except talk a lot and occasionally stand out in the rain.  Where did all these talking heads come from? That girl you went to school with who wanted to be a hairdresser, suddenly appears on ‘Late Night News for Intelligent People’ as Chief Financial Editor of The Times. How on earth did she get there?

I blame it on Brexit. Endless discussions on what the results might be, followed by wailing and gnashing of teeth when the results came out and then interminable years of talking with the EU on how to do it. When Brexit was finally signed and sealed we had a world wide pandemic to commentate on plus Trump in Triumph and the game of musical chairs in our Cabinet.

My father loves to watch all the political and serious news programmes, with a running commentary

‘He’ll be gone next, she’ll be getting a vote of no confidence by the end of the week.’

My mother meanwhile will be busy knitting and making her own comments ‘I don’t care how clever that woman is, nobody with such an irritating voice should be allowed on television or radio. Oh for goodness sake, what does he look like, has he glanced in a mirror lately?’

Her knitting group once knitted the whole royal wedding, William and Catherine. While her friends created exquisite uniforms, beautiful dresses and realistic faces, Mother was consigned to knit the corgis. I don’t know if Sarah Fergusson, formerly known as The Duchess of York, knits, but she has apparently cottoned on to a more sophisticated method of copying corgis. The late Queen’s corgis were ill advisedly bequeathed to Andrew and Sarah and expected to live out their days in Windsor Great Park. We hear Sarah had plans to have them cloned and make money selling royal corgi cloned puppies. Do not try this at home, it is illegal in this country to clone your dog.

Another animal swept Trump from the headlines this week, the escape of a giant guineapig caused great excitement in Hampshire. Two Capybara sisters escaped soon after their arrival at Marwell Zoo, one huddled under a bush and was easily caught, while the other has been on the loose for over a week, with sightings but no chance of capture.

But let us finish today’s programme on a cultural note. The Bayeux tapestry is returning to England after more than 900 years in France. But whose idea was it? A French antique arts expert, defender of the tapestry, told me of his shock when watching President Macron and our Prime Minister having a jolly chat.  Then out of the blue, in a throw away remark, Macron says ‘We’re sending the Bayeux Tapestry to England.’

What!!! That has never been mentioned and art experts were never consulted. The whole tapestry will fall to pieces if it’s moved…

Watch this space. If it disintegrates in England we will have to make them a new one and how long will that take?

Well that’s it for this week folks, my thanks to my guests, oh I’ve just realised I did not give them a chance to speak….

If you would like to listen to this week’s episode again you can listen later on BBC Radio Four Extra, BBC World Service and anytime on your smart speaker or whatever devices you know how to work with BBC Sounds.

What ideas would you like Grace to ponder on next week?

Silly Sunday -Just Chatting

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Visitors coming and going Chez Tidalscribe, but here’s something to think about while I’m busy…

While I was away I was idling away a few minutes on my phone and was surprised to get on ChatGPT. I had no intention of asking it to write my novel for me, but I would just see if it would make a picture of flowers and bees, perhaps a picture of a woman enjoying gardening ( age inserted ) – doesn’t look like me.

How about a beach hut, me at my beach hut, ask for purple hair and round down my age...

She looks fun, but it’s not me.

I’ll ask Chatterbox how to use my own photos… oil painting that looks better than my real garden.

Now my nineties friend wants a painting of her garden and thinks I’m very clever… I tell her AI is the clever one.

This is fun, could be addictive…. I have so many photos I could transform into art.

Or I could become an avatar. This really is addictive, I could turn all my family into Avatars, all my local scenes into an art gallery…

BUT of course this is dream land and it comes with guilt. We’re all using electricity and The Cloud is not really fluffy white and Artificial Intelligence uses a lot more power and water for cooling… Not to mention the ethics of presenting ChatGPT’s words as your own. Chatting to real people, it seems people are using ChatGPT for all sorts of useful things; asking it questions instead of Googling information, writing reports…

The above is all I have done on ChatGPT, using my own photos, except the one of me…

A real drawing by a human boy, Alex.

Have you used ChatGPT, if so how? Is it any different from all the other tools we use on line to create our blogs etc?

Halloween Hijinks

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‘Have you found it yet?’

‘No, a box of paperbacks, destined to be Christmas presents I expect, at least we have avoided yet another new novel.’

‘So, what’s in that drawer?’

‘More folders full of writing.’

‘Oh goodness, she told me she was going to leave her intellectual property to me… and all her manuscripts!’

‘Ha ha Sis, have you seen what’s in the loft?’

‘Lucky you Sis, most authors are only successful after they have died, so maybe you’ll make some money.’

‘At least she went the way she would have liked, freak accident trying to take pictures for her blog.’

‘How do you know it was an accident, she could have been pushed.’

‘Ha ha, by another jealous blogger?’

‘However it happened at least it was dramatic, she did say to me one day ‘If I’m found dead I do not want headlines in the local news saying ‘Pensioner found dead’ make sure it’s ‘Mystery Death of Author.’

‘She was certainly intending to be home soon, her computer’s still logged in to WordPress, looks like she was in the middle of writing a blog… hmmm Halloween story. We could publish it and no one would be any the wiser that she was dead, that’s if anyone actually reads her blog.’

‘It would be a sort of tribute if her Halloween story still went out.’

‘Yup, the word document is open as well so it would be her genuine writing.’

‘And in the unlikely event that any reader had heard she had died, they would think her ghost had written it!’

‘Okay, you do the blog then and I’ll go on searching for her will.’

Monday Madness – Holiday Highlights

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Since early September I have often been AWOL from WeirdPress with assorted family staying and going on trips. Fortunately my sister is also a writer and always comes to my writers’ group when she stays, so we both did some writing. I took plenty of photos in strange places and we met plenty of weird people, so plenty of blogger fodder. In the meantime here are a few highlights. Can you guess where we might have been?

Unblogging the Drain

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Are you completely bloggled? Lots of us are apparently. WordPress changes things every day, or perhaps in the middle of the night, depending on which continent you live. Writing on your phone on a bus going over potholes is not the best way to do things on line, but I can read a blog such as Sally on Smorgasbord, the Like button works, I write a comment and it is published, probably with typos because of the rattly bus and Sally has answered before I get off the bus… Back at home on my trusty desk top with big television screen I write an erudite comment on an intelligent blog, WP asks me to log in, even though I am logged in. I do that and the comment disappears… I’m sure all the blogs I follow seem to work differently and of course we cannot se what our own blogs look like to others.

If I disappear into the clouds, it might not be WordPress’s fault. My sister is over from Australia and staying with me for a month. We are going to do some trips if the trains are working… I might persuade her to write a guest blog.

What else do you do on line and wonder why – like always losing Wordblitz…

Or are you in a controlling relationship with an owl who has promised to teach you another language?

Or are you addicted to Wordle?

Tell us what is leaving you bloggled this week.

Silly Sunday – Spamalot

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When I was a child, spam was a food product that I did not like, a moulded block of pink meat extricated from a tin with a key and a good chance of lacerating fingers. Our relationship with digital SPAM is probably very similar.

A folder was, for many centuries, a sturdy cardboard stationery item for keeping collecting endless sheets of paper and it still is Chez Tidalscribe.

Put together meat and cardboard and you have a Spam Folder. In my first forays into life on line I wondered what it was and why people were told to check them. It was a long time before I even knew we had spam folders on WordPress. Reading spam comments usually explains why WordPress has blocked them from arriving at our precious blogs, though sometimes the intelligent and welcome comments of real bloggers wash up there.

Who are the strange beings that send these weird comments and why. AI creations that have escaped? But what if they are real human beings reaching out to engage with us? Should we respond? What would we say. Here are some I replied to…

‘Going shopping with my girlfriend, I feel very bored. I usually read this blog so I don’t get bored.’

 A lot of people will sympathise with your shopping experience, I’m so glad my blog prevented boredom instead of causing it.

‘when me adn may friend go to bali me look so many things there are cute and i not forget to read your good blog everyday thankyo’

Thanks indeed, I expect all my followers to read my blogs every day, however fantastic their holiday.

‘I have a boyfriend who likes reading blogs, I see he often reads this blog, but he is no longer there, I was curious about what was on this blog, it turns out there is a lot of knowledge that I can get.’

 Yes my blog is so good it can even make boyfriends disappear.

‘When I came home from watching the concert I couldn’t sleep, I read an article on this website, I fell asleep and woke up with meaningful inspiration thanks to reading this blog.’

Yes reading my website makes most readers fall asleep.

‘2 days ago I decided to go to Vietnam, I got drunk and met a girl from there, when we were both in the room, I suddenly got bored, I read this blog, I got a lot of inspiration‘

 I hope you were inspired to avoid alcohol on holiday.

Yesterday I went to China, waiting for my plane to depart, I took the time to read this blog, this will be very useful for many people who read it.

 My blog is especially useful for passengers who have long delays at airports.

My friends and I always visit museums with various classy monuments which are very beautiful. I see them all on your very good blog.

Thanks, I have endeavoured to fill my blogs with monuments from all round the world.

Every day I always have breakfast before going to school, but when I eat I feel like something is missing, that’s when I visit this blog to accompany me while eating so that I feel comfortable.

I am impressed that you start your school day in the perfect way.

What are your favourite comments in your spam folder?

Thursday Thoughts A-Z

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One often learns something new from Facebook. APRICITY is the comforting warmth of the winter sun. Sunlight comes about 93 million miles and then gets blocked out by one little cloud or a building. If you find a sunny spot it is bliss.

Most of our local buses have a running commentary to tell you which stop is coming up next, very handy if it’s dark, torrential rain or torrential rain on a dark night. Especially useful if you are blind. I wonder who the anonymous voice is, perhaps an out of work actor. On an unfamiliar route recently a very jolly voice announced a stop then added ‘Alight here for the crematorium.’ Two stops further on he cheerfully announced ‘The next stop is Cemetery Junction, Cemetery Junction.’ Even dead passengers are assisted.

Fact is stranger than fiction. Since I wrote Tuesday’s tiny tale ‘Whatever the Weather’ we have had Storm Ingunn, named by the Norwegians. Apparently the Faroe Islands may have been hit by winds up to 155 miles an hour. I bet Gail Macleod is there reporting.

If your closest contact with wildlife is watching Mr. Fox trotting down the road in broad daylight or Roland Rat scurrying across the back lawn you will enjoy blogs from the African continent.

Robbie Cheadle shares some beautiful photos and we learn a lot.

https://writingtoberead.com/2024/01/24/in-touch-with-nature-giraffes-chew-bones-and-lions-eat-grass-animalkingdom-natureconser

 Scuba Hank NYC is usually underwater, but has been on safari lately and his latest clip of a lovely Zebra set me thinking. Other members of the horse family were domesticated millennia ago. As far as we know Zebras never have been. It’s like the elephant conundrum. Asian elephants have been dragging logs and dressing up in beautiful garments to carry royalty for a very long time and more recently entertaining in circuses, while African elephants seem to have remained independent, or have they? Hannibal took 37 North African elephants over the Alps to give The Romans a fright. They had never seen elephants before so no doubt they did get a surprise. His plan worked, but sadly most of the elephants died of the cold that winter.  African elephants no doubt decided to avoid ever getting involved with humans again.

Up Close with a Stunning Zebra – South Africa

If you have seen a zebra steeplechase or watched zebra dressage, let us know.

Monday Madness

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New like! God liked your post Eurovision Eve. You might want to go see what they’re up to! Perhaps you will like their blog as much as they liked yours.   Great posts worth seeing from God: Success

What better accolade could a blogger ask for?

This was our book club book this month and it was really interesting and an enjoyable read. Apart from learning a lot about Antarctic and Arctic exploring the many human snippets were fascinating. One of the leading officers would stay up writing till 2am , though he had to rise at 5am. As well as keeping  his official journal he had promised a good friend he would keep a personal journal. Writers and insomniacs will empathise. I have enough trouble packing for a week’s holiday, imagine packing supplies for four years including live bullocks… I bet they did not worry about catering for the crew’s dietary requirements and allergies. It’s also of note that many serving in the navy had gone to sea at thirteen or fourteen, no snow flakes on board…

When at last you get that Tonka truck you always longed for.

Missing No Mow May? Let it Bloom June is here.

Or perhaps you would prefer Jurassic June.

How about Meandering Monday.

Silly Saturday – Baz the Bad Blogger Bows Out.

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Today is the last post I’m sharing with Baz the Bad Blogger, for this month at least… it is the first in depth interview he has given or at least promised to give. He has at last revealed what his front door looks like.

Congratulations to David who was the first to guess correctly that this is the only door Baz sees the inside of and it also keeps everybody else OUT. But Baz’s home is surprisingly small for such a big personality…

…though he still has room for his hobbies such as model railways..

I asked Baz what he liked best about blogging.

‘Reading the spam comments.’

And does he have any tips for bloggers and users of social media.

‘Yes, always be honest.’

A selection of Baz’s comments on WordPress, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc perhaps best illustrate why he is so popular.

Your blog was two yards long, but at least I had something to read during my long wait in accident and emergency.

Your blog was mercifully short, but still the most boring blog I have ever read.

If my baby looked like that I certainly wouldn’t put its picture on Facebook.

If that is the cover of your book I dread to think what the words inside are like.

Yes, well Baz, perhaps we had better leave those comments where they belong. Thanks for being my guest, did you say you were off on holiday soon?

‘Yes, somewhere far away.’

Farewell Baz… I really enjoyed getting to know him better and my impression is that he is really just a big old softy who loves his teddies…

…and who will remember to send his mother a card on Mothering Sunday.