Doing a Big Shop is the nadir of modern life and of married life. While wars rage and the planet hovers on the brink of destruction, couples argue in the aisle about which loaf of bread to get or which size washing powder to buy.

The inane conversations start in the car park as a partner or elderly parent in the passenger seat passes comments such as

‘Why didn’t you just park there?’

Once inside, the question of tonight’s dinner arises; ‘seeing what they’ve got’ is never going to work in a huge store packed with everything. Perhaps this reminder of how lucky they are to have a choice of food will start another banal conversation.

‘Shall we get a tin of baked beans to put in the food bank box?’

‘How can you be so patronizing, they probably live on baked beans, let’s get something decent.’

‘What then?’

‘Not sure…’

Of course there may be dramas to alleviate the boredom of trailing round every aisle, such as meeting your neighbour who tells you all about their colonoscopy or an announcement on the tannoy…

‘Cleaner to aisle 67…’

At aisle 67 you have the excitement of negotiating a spreading pool of blood, which turns out to be the economy size jar of blackcurrants dropped out of the trolley by a bored toddler. The parents didn’t notice as they were busy reading the ingredients to compare a Heinz tin with supermarket own brand.

At the checkouts there will be the regular discussion as to which checkout to use; self service or real person on the conveyor belt. Whichever is chosen will be the wrong choice. The computer won’t let the fifty year old shopper buy a bottle of wine without human approval, while at the human checkout our shoppers are stuck behind someone who has saved up a hundred vouchers. Whatever goes wrong it will be the other  partner’s fault and a reminder that one of them wanted to go to a different supermarket in the first place.

As they wheel their heavily laden trolley with the wonky wheel … 

‘I told you not to get that trolley’

…they pass the food bank box half full with tins of baked beans and bags of pasta.

‘Oh no, we forgot to get something for the food bank.’

If you want to avoid the banality of shopping why not try the excitement of  Guerrilla shopping? Find out how in the next blog.