Big Shopping

Doing a Big Shop is the nadir of modern life and of married life. While wars rage and the planet hovers on the brink of destruction, couples argue in the aisle about which loaf of bread to get or which size washing powder to buy.

The inane conversations start in the car park as a partner or elderly parent in the passenger seat passes comments such as

‘Why didn’t you just park there?’

Once inside, the question of tonight’s dinner arises; ‘seeing what they’ve got’ is never going to work in a huge store packed with everything. Perhaps this reminder of how lucky they are to have a choice of food will start another banal conversation.

‘Shall we get a tin of baked beans to put in the food bank box?’

‘How can you be so patronizing, they probably live on baked beans, let’s get something decent.’

‘What then?’

‘Not sure…’

Of course there may be dramas to alleviate the boredom of trailing round every aisle, such as meeting your neighbour who tells you all about their colonoscopy or an announcement on the tannoy…

‘Cleaner to aisle 67…’

At aisle 67 you have the excitement of negotiating a spreading pool of blood, which turns out to be the economy size jar of blackcurrants dropped out of the trolley by a bored toddler. The parents didn’t notice as they were busy reading the ingredients to compare a Heinz tin with supermarket own brand.

At the checkouts there will be the regular discussion as to which checkout to use; self service or real person on the conveyor belt. Whichever is chosen will be the wrong choice. The computer won’t let the fifty year old shopper buy a bottle of wine without human approval, while at the human checkout our shoppers are stuck behind someone who has saved up a hundred vouchers. Whatever goes wrong it will be the other  partner’s fault and a reminder that one of them wanted to go to a different supermarket in the first place.

As they wheel their heavily laden trolley with the wonky wheel … 

‘I told you not to get that trolley’

…they pass the food bank box half full with tins of baked beans and bags of pasta.

‘Oh no, we forgot to get something for the food bank.’

If you want to avoid the banality of shopping why not try the excitement of  Guerrilla shopping? Find out how in the next blog.

23 thoughts on “Big Shopping

  1. The big shop 🙈 at the moment the toddler is enjoying accompanying me on the big shop due to the special mini lidl trolley but dare you suggest he put something in it he doesn’t want you too 😆. Great post

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You make grocery shopping sound like fun! I am lucky, my husband loves to cook and he loves to go grocery shopping, all on his own. He even put that in his marriage proposal. “I will do all the cooking, all the shopping, and the laundry,” said he, on bended knee. How could I resist saying yes? Unfortunately, he lied about the laundry. But two out of three isn’t bad.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Lucky Liz, the pandemic has brought some changes that are appreciated. At one stage, years ago, when there were five of us at home and I was working full time shift work, Cyberspouse did all the shopping and cooking – I had no idea what we had in the cupboard!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I do so agree- I can never understand why couples need to go together, or worse still- an entire family; it just clogs everywhere up! Since retirement I really don’t mind the supermarket shop as long as I can get around the aisles unhindered!

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Hello Doug. An ideal compromise is separate trolleys and sperate aisles, though there has to be a no looking and no touching rule when they reunite at the checkout otherwise disapproved items items could be flying out of the trolleys.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Living in a small viillage for 11 years, my Monday trip into town for the big shop at the huge Tesco is something I actually look forward to. I was there yesterday, and everything you say here is of course very accurate. I have firm rules though.

    1) I go to get the shopping and never take my wife with me.
    2) I never use any self-service checkout. I would sooner wait, and keep the jobs of the staff.
    3) Always take a list, and never be tempted to buy anything not on that list.

    If someone had told my 25 year-old self that one day I would find a big-shop exciting, that younger self would have told them they were crazy.
    Best wishes, Pete.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I used to get excited about Big Shop on pay day when the cupboards were bare! I too always use the human till, but was foiled one day in a medium sized Sainsbury when there were no humans – except for the worst customer service from the sole grumpy staff member, who was standing around not helping customers at the self service check outs. I asked her if there were any human tills and she said curtly ‘no staff’.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I am lucky in one way. Hubby pushes the trolley and I choose what to buy. We do NOT discuss it on the way round. Before he was ill he loaded and unloaded the bags but now I think he might have to stay home. I enjoy choosing and would hate to have to rely on deliveries.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Julie that sounds sensible. I never had deliveries till lock down and shielding etc. and I was glad to get back to real shopping – you are never quite sure what you will get or not get with deliveries, though I guess we should be glad that is an option.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I always try to shop when it is quiet. I can cope with tired toddlers but people who bump into a neighbour / friend and block the sisle having a good chinwag drive me nuts! I, too, always used a staffed checkout. I mostly shop in Aldi and they don’t have self service checkouts. In Tesco, where I go for the things Aldi don’t stock I still use the staffed ones because even with the queue it is quicker – I always make a mistake on the self service ones and have to wait for a staff member to sort it out.

    Liked by 1 person

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