Silly Saturday – Digital Dithers
Typing at school is not for me,
A secretary I’ll never be.
A home computer, whatever for?
A Commodore 64?
For that we are too poor.
Who has the patience to dial,
Peering at screens is such a trial.
Internet we do not need,
Goodness knows where that would lead.
You don’t have e-mail..
How will we keep in touch?
Amazon, that is a river,
Blue hieroglyphics in your e-mail,
Links are what you get in chains.
I only wanted to know
What you’d like for Christmas.
Join Facebook? No thanks,
What, you’ve put me on already
And my date of birth…
Hey come and look at this picture,
You’re not on Facebook, how come?
How do you keep in touch?
Kindle, what’s that?
Self publish, what a dream,
But I don’t DO technology.
You’ve got your book on Kindle,
Tell us how…
Yes, it’s live now.
Artists and Writers’ Year book thrown out,
I’m an Indie Author now.
How many novels have I sold?
Two or is it three,
One for my sister and one for me…
Websites, domains, Goodreads, Twitter,
Google, Pinterest, Linked In, Tumbler
Too much trouble
Just a muddle,
Two domains by error.
My picture’s gone sideways on Goodreads,
I’m only Linked In to three people,
I’ve lost my Twitter account.
Only four friends have Liked
My Facebook Author Page.
Blogs, no time to read or write,
My novel I must complete.
On WordPress there’s a pattern,
Where my photograph should be,
I don’t know how to schedule
Or understand the Stats.
My website is sunshine yellow,
My blog is sea green,
But neither flash or move
And I wish I could be seen
As a jolly cartoon
For my Author Persona.
I have an identity crisis
How do I become an Avatar?
Friday Flash Fiction – Digital Dialogue
Andrea: ‘Are you okay in here Mum, tea’s just brewing, do you want the crossword?’
Grandma ‘No, I’m fine, I’ll just have a quick look at my ipad.’
Millie: ‘Do you want a cake Grandma? Grandma, do you want a cake?’
Grandma: ‘What… oh sorry Millie, yes please, look at this sweet puppy…’
Millie: ‘Mummy says we’re not allowed to have screen time when we got visitors.’
Grandma: ‘I’m just showing you how well I’m getting on with my Christmas present.’
Steven: ‘Good heavens what’s that noise?’
Grandma: ‘Just a Typhoon taking off from RAF Northolt.’
Steven: ‘How on earth did you get that?
Grandma: ‘I think I’m their Facebook friend… oh, I’ve got 63 emails, I’d better check in case there’s anything important. … a new post from Wordynerdybird How To Avoid Blocked Hashtags On Instagram… I haven’t done Haashtags yet, what does that mean Steve?’
Steve: ‘You don’t need to know that, you’re not on Instagram or Twitter.’
Grandma: ‘Do you think I should be?’
Steve: ‘Noo… no, today we’re just doing Facetime.’
Grandma: ‘How far ahead are they in the USA?’
Andrea: ‘Eight hours behind, they’ll still be in bed.’
Millie: ‘No Mummy, seven now, their clocks went forward this weekend.’
Andrea: ‘Come on, don’t let Grandma’s tea get cold, have you told her how you got on with your project?’
Grandma: ‘Oh oh, there’s an amber weather warning.’
Anthea: I thought we’d finished with the bad weather.’
Grandma: ‘Storm coming in from the Indian Ocean, ah that’s Western Australia. Lovely cakes, what was your project Millie?’
Steve: ‘Is that the police helicopter, sounds like it’s over our roof.’
Grandma: ‘No, it’s KTNV Channel 13, flying over Las Vegas… car chase, I bet he’s going to get away.’
Grandma: ‘I can help you with that, I’m on North Yorkshire Snow Updates.’
Millie: ‘But Grandma, you live in East Sussex.’
Grandma: ‘But North Yorkshire has better pictures and more weather. I’m on East Sussex Memories, do you want to see that?’
Anthea: ‘Mum, how did you get on all these?’
Grandma: ‘It’s ever so easy, I just press LIKE, I have the whole world at my fingertips. Do you want to see The Great Karoo?’
Millie: ‘Is that an animal?’
Grandma: ‘No, a desert. You should ask Mummy and Daddy to get you an ipad, you learn such a lot. Here we are, New Malden Past, Present and Future, that’s where I grew up. I just need to work out how people get their old black and white photos on here. I’ve found two old school friends.’
Anthea: ‘How many new Facebook Friends have you got, hundreds?’
Grandma: ‘Only 99, but on four continents. Then there are my blogger friends. Let’s look at today’s new posts Koolkosherkitchen and Koolaidmoms. I need to learn more about the USA before we go to visit your cousins. Smackedpentax, he’s English, takes lovely photographs. Tidalscribe Friday Flash Fiction Digital Dialogue – wonder what that’s all about?’
Anthea: Mother, what are you talking about, I preferred it when you brought your knitting.’
Grandma: ‘I thought you wanted me to branch out.’