DIY is fun and cheaper, unless it all goes horribly wrong.

Reasons not to Do It Yourself

1. If it goes wrong you will have to pay someone to fix it.

2. Most accidents happen at home and all accidents that happen at home involve DIY; either the person doing it or innocent bystanders. Hazards include…

A. Electrocution

B. Severing of limbs

C. Falling from heights

 

There are many big tasks that you cannot Do I Yourself – depending on which part of the world you live in these include…

1. Reroofing your house

2. Putting in new double glazing

3. Building an extension

4. Putting in a swimming pool / fish pond

5. Rewiring

6. New bathroom / kitchen

7. Digging a basement.

8. Felling Trees

Once you decide to go ahead with a project here are some handy points to remember.

Working out which company to use, or whether to call on that bloke you know from the Bottle and Brew, will take as long as the project itself so let’s skip that stage.

1. The arrival. Whatever time they have said they will come they will either arrive half an hour early while you are still in your dressing gown or two hours late… at the very moment you are taking an important phone call or visiting the bathroom.

2. Refreshments. Always offer tea, coffee or water in case they take revenge on mean customers… how often is tricky and depends on the weather – do they need warming up or cooling down and do you want to avoid them monopolising your toilet?

3. Mobile phones. Very useful, especially if they need to call their boss/base/office/factory ( see 4 ). It is a time wasting call if you hear them say ‘Okay Darling, can you put Mummy on the phone’ or ‘Okay Darls, see you tonight, love you… me too… ’

4. The Problem. There will always be a problem. Expect to be summoned before lunchtime with sucking in of teeth and shaking of head. They have forgotten a part, something is the wrong size or the ground is much harder than expected. More rare is the totally unexpected – see 6.

5. The Noise. Scaffold being put up, walls being demolished, trees being sawed… there is no project that will not annoy the neighbours and their dogs, but it helps if they have subjected you to noise, dust and inconvenience previously and you have not complained.

6. Major Delay. This usually involves a body or unexploded bomb in the back garden, great if you are a writer, not so good if you have no other home to go to. You will be evacuated and your property sealed off for the foreseeable future.

7. Normal Delay. Be thankful 6 hasn’t happened to you and be resigned to the fact the project will always take far longer than predicted due to the weather or The Problems.

But when the work is complete it will all have been worth it as you sit in your pool/ conservatory/designer garden  – unless of course it has all gone horribly wrong and you have to take them to court…