I have not been tested yet, but I am having to come to terms with the fact that I may be neurotypical. I had not even heard the term before a speaker at a writers’ festival apologised for being one hundred percent neurotypical. Hopefully I’m not at the top of the range. Nobody in my family is neurotypical so I do not understand why this has happened to me. Perhaps it explains why the world around me seems to be descending into madness. At least I could now have a career as a stand up comedian, their routines always come round to revealing they have been diagnosed with some kind of syndrome.

So now with your help I must try and make sense of what is happening in other people’s lives.

If you were the First Minister of Scotland and leader of the Scottish National Party and your husband was arrested for embezzlement from the party you both served, would you have been totally shocked with no idea anything was wrong? Huge amounts of money that came from loyal supporters who wanted an independent Scotland. Not billions, but well over £400, 000 is a lot to disappear without  ANYBODY noticing.

What Peter Murrell bought is what has been most entertaining for the public and a welcome break from darker news. Everything from up market coffee machines to a camper van.

Now I can understand Nicola Sturgeon’s claims that two adults with good salaries would have separate bank accounts and be independent and as a busy career woman she could expect her husband to run the house and the domestic budget. Those of us who had one joint account and a very tight budget can still imagine the scenario.  But the camper van? What wife would not expect that to be a joint purchase with fun discussions about future holidays? What mother would not be surprised to wake up and find a camper van in her driveway? Did Murrell mention it to his mother? Picture the scene with the neighbours…

‘Och how lovely dearie, is your wee Petie goin to take you on a trip up to the highlands?’

Or perhaps other neighbours would not be so happy for her.

‘Hey Hen, whit the **** is that monster vehicle doing blocking the sunlight from oor hoose?’

Perhaps the whole nation should be grateful he was arrested before he made more bizarre purchases.

South American drug lord Pablo Escobar made the original unwise purchase of four hippos for his private estate in the 1980s, making Columbia the only country outside the African continent with a wild hippo population.

Now the two hundred splendid beasts face a cull, but Indian magnate Anant Ambani has offered to rescue eighty of the two hundred and rehome them in his rescue centre. Imagine if Murrell had offered to rescue the remainder?

Have you ever made a mad purchase you regretted? I won’t ask if you have ever been tempted to embezzle…